Thursday, January 31, 2008

New to Wife Led Marriage

I've been married for 18 years and only the last 2 and one-half have been wife led. And from all I have read to all I have experienced I came to only one truth: Like all marriages, wife led, husband led, whatever, there is NOT a one size fits all.

I write this because I've seen a increase in blogs and new commenters. It's pretty exciting. Who knows, maybe my grand children will find some old letter to my wife and realize that I (and you:) were the vanguard to a new marriage style!!

What I try to do is take a bit from the blogs that I read. Sometimes I think, "Yea, I understand that, I see where he/she is coming from." Other times, I think, "Wow, that's too over the top for me." Either way I've learned something about myself.

So for all you "new" readers, men and women, those in or thinking of trying a wife-led marriage I say go for it and pick and choose what works for you.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Which Way is Up?

Today was very interesting. My wife called me to say that she was going to work from home. Wonderful, the house to ourselves without kids. I was cleaning and doing things anyway so I quickly made pot of coffee and actually set the table for her. I thought she might want some lunch.

After she arrived home she didn't seem the least bit interested in anything wife-led. I was suggestive, as in, "Is there anyway I can serve you?" etc. Towards around the time the kids get out of school she told me that we'd be walking over there together. She said, "How often do I get to meet the kids at school?" My first thought was the hell with them, how often do we get an empty house. But over we went. The funny thing is that they took a different route home and we missed them.

When we got home, she went in the house a few minutes ahead of me. When I go in, there she was, sitting on the bench, legs crossed with her foot out. An immediate look of get down here and take off my boots. And yes I did and we both noticed the obvious tent in my pants.

So from nothing to something. She is getting more demanding. What I must learn is patience. It is like the stock market, or at least when it is on an upward trend. More up than down and I really appreciate her efforts.

Foot Lingere

Foot lingere. That is what my called a pair of quite high pumps she brought home from the store yesterday. She plans on wearing them over Valentine's Day which coincides with our anniversary. She actually tried them on and, well, WOW! She then actaully hung them over the shower curtain for me to worship. She asked me if I was going to do her with them on or off. My mouth was litterally dry, I was shaking a bit and some how I croaked, "On."

This whole scene was an incredible. But more importantly, she had taken some time to go shopping and bought them while thinking of me. And she was thinking of me becasue the heels are too high to be comfortable.

It's been almost 24 hours and I'm still buzzing.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

All is Well

Not much to report. All is well in my wlm. We have a white board and I put T & D on it. My wife asked me what that meant and I told her, "Tease and deny." We were interrupted. I 'll let you all know how it goes. I'm going to tell her that a wlm doesn't mean "ignore and deny" and that I wanted some type of attention before I got "cranky."

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Of Course.....

I use this saying alot. Will you fill my car with gas, will you this, will you that.....I always answer of course. But this post isn't about what I've said. It is about what I learned the other morning.

As previously posted, I have to wait to find out if I get any birthday sex. We've sent some emails back and forth, teasing and playful about my state of denial. In one I wrote that it doesn't mean that I don't want to be teased. And that this prolonged state of denial might lead me to rub up against her. All written in a playful manner.

Yesterday morning we did the "routine." She showers, I get up and head to the living room, check emails, etc and serve her coffee when she joins me and hand over the remote. While we were sitting there she asked me if I could wait till Saturday or did I need some this morning. I told her that I prefer to wait, that the heightened arousal makes me better at providing her service. When she went to get dressed I asked her if I could masturbate "for her" but not oragam. She said yes and while she was putting on her make-up she asked me what she should be doing or saying.

It dawned on me that she was struggling with her role. She said she wanted to participate so to speak but not knowing what to do made her feel inadequate which then leads to less participation. OF COURSE, I thought to myself, she is in experienced in a wife led marriage. She should be, it's her first! She told me that this is essentialy what she had in mind for the living room but wasn't very clear about it.

I told her that I'm a little reluctant to give her ideas because then it doesn't feel quite wife led but in this case, she was asking. I also told her that teased and denied was totally different than ignored and denied. So I told her that she should tell me to either drop my pants and stoke to hardness and frustration or get naked and do the same. (she choose the first). While frustrating myself, I told her that a naked, hard, frustrated husband is appropriate. That this situation is a huge turn on for me and actually is a substitute for intercourse. (she struggles with her libido and it's always been my hope that a wife led marriage and this type of "event" will help her and me find a happy middle ground.)

I think most men need to remember that if they were the ones to initiate a wlm then they have probably read alot about it. We must be patient. We must understand that being more knowledgable about wlm's is probably intimidating to our wives, especially if a couple struggles with sexual incompatibility.

I've learned an awful lot from reading the many great blogs that discuss the evolution of their wife led marriages. I hope that my experiences have helped you.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Who's Birthday is it?

My birthday is next weekend. Bless my wife for looking into an energetic night club so she can stay awake. I told her that I'd much rather take her to a mall that we have yet to explore. It has her two favorite stores, Macys and Nordstrom. I just want to spend some one on one time with her.

As she was getting dressed, she was just being the boss. Handing me a jacket to de-fur (dog), requesting a hand towel by saying, "How am I supposed to dry my hands?", just dropping the packaging of new make up on the floor, etc. Then she says the following:

"If you get an early start, you can probably take down the shower curtains (4 panels around a claw foot tub) and clean them before I get home. Maybe, if you work very hard this week and impress me, you can have some birthday sex." I immediately removed my pajamas. I thought that as I followed her orders I should be naked and I wanted her to see my "semi arousal."

In my wife led marriage, I have to work my ass off for her so maybe I can have what most men automatically get, birthday sex. I like my marriage.

ps please scroll down, two posts today and the previous one is an acknowledgement to all those lucky enough to be in a wife led marriage.

Too Many Blogs

How great it is to see so many blogs concerning wife led marriages. And for the most part, their ups and downs mirror mine. I wish there was one site that consolidated them. I really enjoy finding new blogs. Thanks for all who read. Posting is a comment is a bonus.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

On Cruise Control

My wife's been buried at work lately. This leads to her not paying any attention to me and certainly not to the wife-led aspect of our marriage. I find these times very difficult. I go between telling myself to chill the hell out and waiting to being frustrated (in a non fun sex way). I think to myself, "How difficult would it be for her to tease me?" I mean, 5 minutes on a weekday morning and I'd be happy for the rest of the week.

What do you gents do when your wife disengages? Do you wait? How long? Do you drop a hint or two? Do you masturbate?

Ladies: What do you want? Do you want us to wait or drop some hints? Do you want an outright discussion?

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

The New Year

The New Year. For some strange reason many think that the changing of one date signifies a new beginning. And I, like many, make some fun resolutions. My wife asked me what mine where and I told her to be a better husband in a wife-led marriage. She asked how I hoped to achieve this goal and I told her that I'd try and stop contradicting her.

It all started last week. We were on a family trip at a restaurant and the waitress asked what everyone wanted to drink. My wife told the kids, soda but no caffine. I heard her and some how decided that it was OK for my oldest to have a coke (it was only 6pm). After the coke arrived she looked at me, you know, with that "look." I bumbled something unintelligble and tried to back track. No luck, damage done. On the way out I pulled her asided and told her that we should go back to the waitress and I should tell her that we are in a wife led marriage and I shouldn't have contradicted my wife. No luck there either.

It's not a concious thing. I work at home and do most of the child stuff so I just naturally take over. I'm getting better though. I did ask her "permission/thoughts/suggestions" a few times yesterday. And twice she made me change my response from "my room" and "my bed" to mom's room and mom's bed when speaking to the kids. That issue is a little dicey and we'll need to discuss it more. However, I'm excited about her continued increase in dominance.

Another hard issue that I think men deal with is how much should we ask our wives. We don't want to overwhelm them, don't want them to think we are wimps but do want them to know that they are the boss. For us, I sometimes ask my wife for permission to be a little more "submissive." ( I hate that word.)

As an example, I told my wife that I wanted to start the new year off right and for our weekly training trip to the grocery store I'd wear one of my male thongs. No big deal. Last night as I tucked her into bed she told me that I had to wear it all night long. This morning, I asked her if it was ok to wear another thong today as I had a ton of cleaning and errands. She said sure but that I had to wear the one I had on last night.

Peace and good health to you all in the new year.