Wednesday, January 02, 2008

The New Year

The New Year. For some strange reason many think that the changing of one date signifies a new beginning. And I, like many, make some fun resolutions. My wife asked me what mine where and I told her to be a better husband in a wife-led marriage. She asked how I hoped to achieve this goal and I told her that I'd try and stop contradicting her.

It all started last week. We were on a family trip at a restaurant and the waitress asked what everyone wanted to drink. My wife told the kids, soda but no caffine. I heard her and some how decided that it was OK for my oldest to have a coke (it was only 6pm). After the coke arrived she looked at me, you know, with that "look." I bumbled something unintelligble and tried to back track. No luck, damage done. On the way out I pulled her asided and told her that we should go back to the waitress and I should tell her that we are in a wife led marriage and I shouldn't have contradicted my wife. No luck there either.

It's not a concious thing. I work at home and do most of the child stuff so I just naturally take over. I'm getting better though. I did ask her "permission/thoughts/suggestions" a few times yesterday. And twice she made me change my response from "my room" and "my bed" to mom's room and mom's bed when speaking to the kids. That issue is a little dicey and we'll need to discuss it more. However, I'm excited about her continued increase in dominance.

Another hard issue that I think men deal with is how much should we ask our wives. We don't want to overwhelm them, don't want them to think we are wimps but do want them to know that they are the boss. For us, I sometimes ask my wife for permission to be a little more "submissive." ( I hate that word.)

As an example, I told my wife that I wanted to start the new year off right and for our weekly training trip to the grocery store I'd wear one of my male thongs. No big deal. Last night as I tucked her into bed she told me that I had to wear it all night long. This morning, I asked her if it was ok to wear another thong today as I had a ton of cleaning and errands. She said sure but that I had to wear the one I had on last night.

Peace and good health to you all in the new year.


At 11:18 AM, Anonymous All For Her said...

Sounds like things are going well.
Good luck in the new year!

At 3:41 PM, Blogger Susan's Pet said...

Hey, one must give credit where credit is due. If you are doing a good job of maintaining family, children, cleaning, etc., you must be given credit for it regardless of who is in charge. Don't sell yourself short. Being a housewife or a househusband is an important job that can not be catered or rented. As much as you crave your wife's approval, she must see your valuable contribution. That is always the mark of a true leader.

I am being a bit testy today, so forgive me for the directness of my remark.

At 9:53 PM, Blogger helpmate hubby said...

i think it is wonderful how your Wife has seemingly completely incorporated the concept of FLR into her thought process for your marriage and you know no longer need to worry that She is just doing it to please you. Best wishes for you and yours in 2008!

PS. Yes wearing a thong does make one work at a higher speed cleaning house it seems lol.

At 7:00 AM, Blogger whatevershesays said...

Susan's Pet: No problem. And I know she appreciates all that I do. The issue was directly contradicting her and on something (soda type) that was not that important.

HH: Thanks. Peace to you too.

At 8:34 PM, Anonymous tigerboy said...

Your blog is great and very informative.

In my own situation, having my wife lead more often resolves down to getting her approval before doing things. I do the grocery shopping and if she hasn't prepared a list (which would be very unusual), I'll make one up and then take it for her to review before heading out the door.

That actually does two things. First, she approves the list and second, she confirms when I can go. She may have something else needing to be done first.

When I get back, it is second nature to report to her what I picked up, what I couldn't find or didn't get and the reason. None of this overloads her but it is clear that ultimately the decisions are hers.

None of that diminishes me or my contribution to the relationship.

Overall, you seem to have a good situation. These minor hiccups shouldn't keep you both from being very happy.

best wishes for continued success

At 9:41 AM, Anonymous HUBETTE said...

If you don't like the word 'submissive', try 'uxorious'. I prefer to think of myself as being excessively uxorious...


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