Thursday, January 10, 2008

On Cruise Control

My wife's been buried at work lately. This leads to her not paying any attention to me and certainly not to the wife-led aspect of our marriage. I find these times very difficult. I go between telling myself to chill the hell out and waiting to being frustrated (in a non fun sex way). I think to myself, "How difficult would it be for her to tease me?" I mean, 5 minutes on a weekday morning and I'd be happy for the rest of the week.

What do you gents do when your wife disengages? Do you wait? How long? Do you drop a hint or two? Do you masturbate?

Ladies: What do you want? Do you want us to wait or drop some hints? Do you want an outright discussion?


At 7:45 AM, Blogger bossed hubby said...

whatever - My wife is more often than not busy or "disengaged". Personally, I do not masturbate anymore. I stay totally on her schedule with respect to sex. And in my case, NO HINTING EVER!

If she is home, I check in on her every so often. I approach her and wait to be noticed. I bring her coffee, water, ask what she wants for lunch, get the kids out of her hair. Not too much, just every so often.

Or, I will try to find some interesting recipes for meals. Or, I will research topics that I know that she is interested in but doesn't have time to pursue, just so I can keep her updated on issues important to her.

I also spend time looking for activities that we can do as a family and as a couple.

She recently has started asking me to read books that she doesn't have time to read and summarize them for her. I love to read, and even if the topic is one that I am not particularly interested in, I blow through the material quickly.

I know, pretty boring, but that is what I do.

At 2:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just wait and be patient, be attentive, be helpful, when she does show any small sign of demonstrating her power over you respond positively. Try and let her see through your response that you appreciate her control, and show her what effect she is having on you, in other words let her know that she is the boss, and you are under her spell. She is far more likely to respond positively if she is happy with you, rather than annoyed because you are pestering her.

There is no point pushing or antagonising her too much, when she is disengaged. If you are pushing, and hinting all the time, then she may only respond for the wrong reasons, or not at all. I know that this is easier said than done, but in the long term it’s a far better strategy.

I couldn't agree more, 5 minutes a day can't be that difficult, but we are assuming that our wifves appreciate exactly what it is she is supposed to do for these 5 minutes. Once they do, and it becomes part of yopu daily routine, they can then soon learn to add different things, and that's I guess how a WLM develops.

If you have been following my blog recently you can see that a simple task like folding PJ's has now become a daily ritual, well if you count three staright days as a ritual. Nevertheless Jane now sees this as a small but significant gesture of her dominance that she is happy to do each day. Today she made even more of a thing about throwing her PJ's into my lap as she walked by, just like "here you are, this is your job now", or at least thats what it felt like. But then that is surely what its all about isn't it, if you feel she is taking control, taking advantage of you, and expecting you to follow her orders, then this is what submission is all about.

Not long after today's folding, I was asked to go to town to buy Jane a jacket, and try and get her some underwear that she has been looking out for recently. It maybe just that I have more of an opportunity to do these things for her, but she expects it all the same, and is another example of me doing things for her, the fact that is clothes and underwear is a bonus.

At 4:18 AM, Blogger Urmel said...

I know exactly how you feel.

My wife is easily overstressed and in these period there is nothing sexual on her mind. Before my "coming out", I was pushing my wife to pleasure me.

In most cases she would do me the favor, but I could feel that she was trying to get it over with as quickly as possible.

I slowly realized that I can really enjoy sex only when she enjoys it as well. So now, I patiently wait for my wife to get into the mood. I consider myself as her property and if she decides not to "use" me for a while, so be it. It actually turns me on to think that I "charge my batteries" for her. I draw strength from knowing that she appreciates it. The one aspect of a WLM that my wife has embraced is that she decide all sexual things in our relation. And when she is in the mood again, sex is even better, because I know that she really wants it.

I think in one of your earlier posts you called it "ignore and deny", but I think this not right way to put it. If you want to serve your wife, you must do it will all the consequences, even if it is difficult for you.

Show love and affection when she is stressed, but don't hint, don't masturbate, don't get grumpy. Women are smart and your patience will not go unnoticed. She knows how difficult it is for you and that's why she will appreciate it more than all the dish-washing in the world.

I am sure your patience will pay off in the end. It always does in my case.

At 5:23 AM, Blogger Susan's Pet said...

There were times when I had little time for my wife and children because of the pressure of my work outside of home. I would have felt very good about my wife being loving, understanding, and empathic. We were young and inexperienced, so this did not happen.

You may be in the position of my wife in former times. Be sympathetic, understanding, and don't wait for rewards. Hug her when she comes home, tell her that you will try to make her comfortable and happy, then do it. In a freaky way, that is what wives of vanilla were expected to do. You, on the other hand, do it because it pleases you. There is really no difference in who does it. It has to do with love, devotion, and SEX. Just don't try to dismiss the sex part. It is there, satisfied or not.

At 6:45 AM, Blogger artistic submissive said...

Like many of your readers i am pursueing a WLM and have been reading many blogs on the subject. i have been overwelmed with how many of those that are successful in their endeavor have realized to stop putting the sex/femdom part of the wlm in the fprground and to let it just happen. It is appearing to me and i am starting to see it at home, is that by taking care of her and not throwing it(the lifestyle) in her face or pushing it on her all the time she is slowly becoming more dominant and i couldn't be happier.

There was a time over the last few years that i have been 'pushing' this on her that i would beg to stroke or tell her she needed to tease me more or just be constantly nagging her to pay attention to me. Now i just go about my business doing the chores and doing all i can for her, asking if i can do anything for her or making sure she receives a massage every night etc. Now she has taken control of my orgasms, is more demanding of her desires or needs and is becoming more and more like the dominant woman i always dreamed of.

Do your duty as her servant, allow her to make the decisions and don't top from the bottom and you will discover the dom in her befor eyou know it.

At 5:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, this has been the most unhelpful thread I have ever read. You guys are basically allowing yourselves to be neutered. Give her all the power?

Well, whatever works for you, he?


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