Friday, January 30, 2009

Regular, Normal, Everyday

Sounds like I'm advertising for some type of laxative.

But to my few faithful readers of my drivel, they know better. They probably already know where I'm going with this post.

But it's a follow-up to a comment made by Susan's Pet ( on my last post.

Yesterday, while she was applying makeup, I hand washed a few of her camisoles. She told me I didn't have to. I told her I'd rather because it turns me on a bit. Washed then left. No sexy anything.

This morning she was in the bathroom/dressing area she said called out to me and told me one needs to be rewashed. Catching me naked from the waist down I went in to see what I had missed. It was a deoderant smear on the side, lower than the armpit area I had concentrated on yesterday. I then proceeded to rewash it (and a dirty bra too) while she applied her makeup. I got a bit turned on, catching the "submissive buzz". I said sorry and I'd make sure I didn't miss that spot again.

She replied, simply and matter of factly, "Consider yourself warned."

Now had this whole situation occurred a year and a half ago, it would have been a huge deal. Me 1/2 naked hand washing her delicates, her expressing her dominance.

But now, as Susan's Pet expressed in his comment, that this is normal.....for us.

At what point does the depth of her dominance stop? If standing 1/2 naked and washing her camisoles doesn't produce the same "effect" as it once did, should she do more? Do I need more?

I'll let you all think about your own situation and I'll post my thoughts on this very important aspect of all marriage, female led and other, in my next post.

Thursday, January 29, 2009


Sorry I haven't posted in some time but there isn't much going on. No big talks, no sexy sex things. Just normal life with a dash of wife-ledness thrown in here and there. I guess that is what is "normal."

The only funny thing is that a friend of mine said he wasn't getting alot of sex, particularly blowjobs. He said his wife used to do it alot but he wasn't recipricating. I thought, damn, what a shame, I'd love to go down on my wife if she's let me.

Friday, January 23, 2009

For Her or For Me?

Jamie posted an interesting question in my comments section:

""Does it matter if she's doing these things because she wants to, or if she's doing these things because she knows you want her to?""

At All Times thought that it does matter. That you want your wife to want to do this. And I agree.

But here is the catch. Each wife may want to do this for different reasons.

My wife does not recieve any sexual satisfaction from our wife led marriage. However, she has frequently told me that she gets ALOT of satisfaction from feeling like she is being a good wife and lover. She gets satisfaction from knowing that her husband is happy. She gets satisfaction knowing that she is working on our marriage. And probably most importantly, she gets satisfaction in the "connection" that our wife led marriage provides. (And on a side note, I do get sexual satisfaction from our marriage being wife led but it pales when compared to the connection and "structure" that it provides.)

So, yes, she is doing it for herself as well as for me. Do I wish she was doing it more from a purely sexual desire....sure. Is that going to Are we both happy. Yes.

I guess it will always come down to whatever works for each couple.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Power Exchange

I don't want to rewrite my whole blog but some background is necessary. I am a very lucky man. I am married to a beautiful, highly successful woman for almost 20 years. We have kids, health and overall happiness. Our one issue is sex. Her libido is quite low and mine isn't.

Due primarily to this difference in our sex drives, our marriage has always been wife led. We didn't call it that, but she was the one who deteremined if and when we were to have sex. A few years ago, I found and it fell into place. We acknowledged that our marriage is "wife-led." And certainly there have been some difficult times as we try to make this some what new dynamic work. But when times are good, I get the attention that I need and she feels like a good wife.

As of today, it is a given. She controls our sex life. Due to her low libido, intercourse is rare and has been substituted by my mastrubating for her. But frequently she says that while I"m masturbating she feels awkward, a kind of "what should I be doing" type of feeling. Remember, due to her low libido, she isn't going to touch herself, strip, flash me, whatever.

Yesterday we had an interesting conversation. Last week I told her that when she was home (yesterday) and the kids were at school, it would be fun to hand wash her camisoles, naked in the kitchen. And she did ask me if I wanted to. The problem is that I if I said yes, I'd be naked, obviously aroused and she would get that awkward, "what should I be doing" feeling. So I declined. At lunch, I told her why I declined, siting her feelings. I then told her that it wasn't neccessarily the act of washing them but her telling me to do it.

I told her that she could have easily said, "Get naked and wash my camisoles." Once I began, she could have said, "Have them done by the time I'm out of the shower." Presto, I'm happy and she doesn't need to stand there are feel funny about her (apparent) lack of participation.

I proceeded to give her some more examples of how it is as much about the power exchange as the actual sexual act. It is about her taking control. I call active and open acknowledgement of our wife led marriage. It is similar to when she exercises her control in public. I get alot of sexual satisfaction when she approaches a door and just stands there waiting for me to open it. Or when she approaches her car and then just stands there waiting for me to open her door. The noticeable thing about that is she is the driver and I'm often already on the other side of the car. And lately, she has taken to just stop walking and staring at me until I get behind her. I find this extremely arousing because she's done it in VERY public places such as the mall, supermarkets and Costco. And I'm sure people have noticed because they've had to walk around me as I back pedal to get behind her.

Time will tell if she'll figure out that she doesn't have to feel awkward and that the act of her taking control is actually more important than my orgasm.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


I suppose it's no great suprise that wife led marriages come in so many shapes and sizes. I mean, "regular" marriages aren't all the same.

One of my favoriteblog is At All Times. Like so many wives, his wife struggled at least initially. From the last post, it would appear that it's full speed ahead. Wonderful.
But he also hopes that his wife, Jane, becomes more comfortable and dominating outside the bedroom. That she understands and accepts their wife led marriage as not just a bedroom game but as what will be "normal" and constant in their life.

AAT andI both struggle and I think, look at each others marriage as something we want. I wish my wife had a higher libido and was more dominant in the bedroom. I'm pretty sure AAT wishes his wife was as openly dominant as mine is outside the bedroom, in public.

We both have good marriages and wonderful wives and blossoming wife led marriages. We are both able to openly communicate with our wives. We both have wives that are willing to work towards better wife led marriages. And I think we are both becoming more accepting of what our wives want our marriages to look like.

I guess I was wrong. Not so many differences after all. The key is not to hope your marriage is what you read on someone elses blog but to continue to accept and work on your and your wife's vision of a wife led marriage.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Goings On

Not much really. A very quiet week after last weekend. Truthfully, too quiet. I told my wife that I don't need to orgasm alot but do need to be "teased", "turned on" or some type of wife led sexual interaction. But compared to previous times where my wife seems to be disengaged, we were quite busy. No big deal.

This week looks to be normal. If I remember right, the only night we have to ourselves over the next 2 weeks is this thursday. Kid activities.

But the good news is that my wife is taking next week off so we will have alot of time alone in the house during the day. That should be fun but must lower my expectations. GTG

Monday, January 05, 2009

The Weekend

As I mentioned in a previous post, my wife and I were getting a sitter and heading to a local hotel for an overnight.

I suppose some of you want the lurid details of our sexual exploits. Sorry.

Yes, the sex was great. But better still was the connection we had, enjoying each other's company, shopping, reading, sending each other funny text messages, working out (she required that I spend an hour on the treadmill, damn near killed me:). I was probably tired from carrying in all the shopping bags, two coats, a duffle bag and towing a suitcase into the hotel. That must have looked funny.

As we were walking to dinner my wife and gave each other a little kiss and she said that if our "date" ended now, it would be a great weekend. I couldn't have agreed more.

During a nice dinner, we sat next to a young couple (under 25). They didn't seem happy. He was pretty heavy and ordered like he wanted to add weight. They just didn't like each other and offered us the chance to realize yet again how fortunate we are.

I hope all is well with your relationship.

Friday, January 02, 2009


"Get a good nights sleep, you'll be busy tomorrow."
"Pour me some wine."
"Preheat the oven."
"Change the sheets."
"Only cords." (She means I may only wear my corduroy pants....nothing underneath)

These are just a few of the texts I received from my wife while our entire family was watching the Sugar Bowl. Tomorrow we go to a local hotel for a one night getaway from the kids. It will be fun.

I'll let you know.