Thursday, January 17, 2008

Of Course.....

I use this saying alot. Will you fill my car with gas, will you this, will you that.....I always answer of course. But this post isn't about what I've said. It is about what I learned the other morning.

As previously posted, I have to wait to find out if I get any birthday sex. We've sent some emails back and forth, teasing and playful about my state of denial. In one I wrote that it doesn't mean that I don't want to be teased. And that this prolonged state of denial might lead me to rub up against her. All written in a playful manner.

Yesterday morning we did the "routine." She showers, I get up and head to the living room, check emails, etc and serve her coffee when she joins me and hand over the remote. While we were sitting there she asked me if I could wait till Saturday or did I need some this morning. I told her that I prefer to wait, that the heightened arousal makes me better at providing her service. When she went to get dressed I asked her if I could masturbate "for her" but not oragam. She said yes and while she was putting on her make-up she asked me what she should be doing or saying.

It dawned on me that she was struggling with her role. She said she wanted to participate so to speak but not knowing what to do made her feel inadequate which then leads to less participation. OF COURSE, I thought to myself, she is in experienced in a wife led marriage. She should be, it's her first! She told me that this is essentialy what she had in mind for the living room but wasn't very clear about it.

I told her that I'm a little reluctant to give her ideas because then it doesn't feel quite wife led but in this case, she was asking. I also told her that teased and denied was totally different than ignored and denied. So I told her that she should tell me to either drop my pants and stoke to hardness and frustration or get naked and do the same. (she choose the first). While frustrating myself, I told her that a naked, hard, frustrated husband is appropriate. That this situation is a huge turn on for me and actually is a substitute for intercourse. (she struggles with her libido and it's always been my hope that a wife led marriage and this type of "event" will help her and me find a happy middle ground.)

I think most men need to remember that if they were the ones to initiate a wlm then they have probably read alot about it. We must be patient. We must understand that being more knowledgable about wlm's is probably intimidating to our wives, especially if a couple struggles with sexual incompatibility.

I've learned an awful lot from reading the many great blogs that discuss the evolution of their wife led marriages. I hope that my experiences have helped you.


At 10:40 AM, Blogger helpmate hubby said...

Your experiences have helped us learn and grow whatevershesays. I think you are going about it the right way in finding a middile ground that will make you both happy, not all direction from beneath is tantamount to topping from the bottom. Good job.

As far as the low libido goes, this is i'm sure ay to personal but i would be curious as to the age of your Wife. When my Wife turned 30 it was like a light turned on and now as you know, i'm not the only one that is turing it out. lol

At 1:29 PM, Blogger RJ said...

Nicely put. Being patient as you Wife finds her Dominant self can be frustrating all in its own. Hold steady it should pay off.

At 12:26 AM, Blogger Urmel said...

Thanks for sharing this with us. I can very much relate to what you are writing. I have the impression that you have already made good progress and it encourages me that WLMs are possible even if the wife is not ever-horny.

At 2:03 AM, Blogger Knight-in-Waiting said...

If there weren't so many good, informative WLM blogs around I would never have given the idea a go in the first place.

Also, reading other's blogs acts as the perfect motivator to be patient and keep going.

Thanks for sharing your experiences.

At 4:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's very encouraging to hear that your wife is thinking about what it is she should be saying or doing in the situation you describe. I can understand your reluctance to give her some ideas, but she is obviously struggling with her confidence and maybe just doesn't know how to act dominant, or what it is that you would like. It sounds like to were saying the right things but maybe you could give her some more help next time. Try explaining how you feel about her, and what it is about her taking control that excites you.

I don't see what harm it does giving her some ideas, she did ask, and it is only when you both understand what it is that each of you are looking for in a WLM that you can reach the correct balance.

At 4:47 PM, Blogger slut suzy said...

Like your own Wife my Mistress found Her role in what is now a Female Led Relationship somewhat difficult to adjust to, i wasn't at all comfortable responding to Her request for guidance but did and now we're right back on track.

At 2:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whoa. I just stumbled on the whole 'wife led marriage' thing the other day.

I'm in one. It's never been 'formalized,' but I'm definitely in one. It developed slowly over the years.

Yes, we do all the things that happen in a WLM. I sit on the floor, she props her feet on me, etc. I do most of the housework she plays computer games. I put her shoes on her for her. She goes to the gym, I don't belong. She works late, I clean.

She makes financial decisions, etc. I ask permission.

And there's really no sex. Once in a while she'll give me a 'footjob' if I give her a good footrub. True quote from her, as she sort of laughed, "It's sad that the only sex you get is from my feet." At the time it turned me on, but afterward, I didn't like it so much.

I'm not sure I like being in WLM. I'm not sure she likes it either. She likes strong men, dominant leaders, and I'm afraid she doesn't respect me.


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