Subservient Husband wrote: ...."that you are looking at a WLM D/s dynamic as a way of manipulating increased sexual activity in your marriage. W/o a bio chemical reaction from your wife's authority, (i.e. intrinsic submissive traits), I fear it best you seek help from either a marriage counselor or sexual therapist."

Yes I am and have been using a wife led marriage to facilitate more sexual activity in our marriage. But we have spoken openly about this very issue. It was our hope that by having her control our sexuality then she could dictate what she wanted and find multiple and generally easier (teasing versus intercourse) ways of having a more (some) sexuality in our marriage. It would make her feel like a better wife by satisfying her husband. To put it another way, I'd get some sexual satisfaction and she'd get what she wants, the emotional satisfaction (she doesn't want/need the physical) of being a "good wife" and satisfying her husband.

Our WLM didn't work out because her low libido prevents her from thinking in a "sexual way" (her words) and she doesn't tease me or infuse our marriage with sexuality so I am left with spending alot of time and effort pleasing her (non sexually of course) and getting very little in return. While I am her husband and partners do things for each other, even in a wife led marriage, there are limits.

Will we return? Many of you think so. It wouldn't suprise me. The longer we flounder the more I want to go back to a WLM. But only if she can be more involved.


I do appreciate SH comment and the comments of others. I find them interesting and insightful. Thanks.

Rudderless

Wow, this is very weird and a bit difficult. Now that we are no longer officially in a wife led marriage, we are having a tough time interacting. Sex is non existent, she'd doing more around the house and I'm feeling guilty about it.

I'd go back but the problem is that there wasn't much of a sexual component from her. Without the sexual side, I just can't serve her without anything in return. And I'll concede that a fair amount of it is my baggage. I can't seperate out the sexual aspect of serving her coffee on one knee each morning from the pure service of it.

Vanilla may be plain but it aint' easy:)

Almost....

It's amazing what a guy will agree to just prior to orgasm.

Thing have been quit awkward lately with the ending of our wife led marriage. I don't know how much I'll blog but I feel it's important to the many marriages out there that we all discuss the ups and downs and now our transition into a more vanilla relationship.

As I think I blogged about, I expect that any wife led fun mayb be strictly a sexual, bedroom game. Nothing wrong with that but not what I really want.

This morning we were having a cup of coffee on our back deck. I was just in my underwear, she had been up for a while and was already dressed. As we had our coffee she playfully reached into my button down calvin klien boxers and pulled me out. From there she placed her feet in my lap and got me going. It wasn't long before I was on edge.

And then it got interesting.

She said, "I think you should still say "whatever". As in whatever she says...as in keep the wife led thing going. Like most guys, I'd go off a cliff if a woman was stroking me and asked nicely.

And I almost said yes. But I knew better. She say let's continue, and then I'd have all these expectations of teasing, denial and increased sexuality in our marriage only to be disappointed.

So I said, "I don't think so right now."

How's that for some self control!! LOL

I did orgasm. That was nice. Other than her feet, she never touched me and of course, I never touched her. But it was good and the first sexual contact we've had since our big talk.

A Big Change

Sadly, not for the best.

A wife led style of marriage is not sustainable for us. We've tried. But her low/non-existant libido's impact is just too great. She has repeatedly told me she doesn't need/want sex and as she gets older, she doesn't expect her sex drive to get any better.

On a positive note, I'm not mad. I can't control her reaction, only mine. It's who she is and to expect her to change is unrealistic. This struggle has been going on for 15 years. It was my hope that the teasing/arousing/denial aspect of a wife led marriage would help her and us to have some fun non pressured sexuality in our marriage without full blown intercourse.

I am concerned about sexaul interaction going forward. While the wife led didn't work, while we were attempting it, it provided a structure...a foundation....to base our sexual interaction. That's gone now and it's very awkward. But I'm confident we will figure it out.

I'm sure that there will be wife led fun in the bedroom on the rare occassions that she has enough wine. When this happens, I'll tell you all about it.

Until then, I'd like to thank the many commenters over the past few years. At All Times has been particularly supportive and his, and all the comments, does not go unnoticed or unappreciated.

All the best.