Rudderless
Wow, this is very weird and a bit difficult. Now that we are no longer officially in a wife led marriage, we are having a tough time interacting. Sex is non existent, she'd doing more around the house and I'm feeling guilty about it.
I'd go back but the problem is that there wasn't much of a sexual component from her. Without the sexual side, I just can't serve her without anything in return. And I'll concede that a fair amount of it is my baggage. I can't seperate out the sexual aspect of serving her coffee on one knee each morning from the pure service of it.
Vanilla may be plain but it aint' easy:)
posted by whatevershesays @ 5:22 AM
8 comments
8 Comments:
Sorry to hear that. All I can say from my experience that life can change in an instant. So don`t give up hope.
Mr. WESS,
sound like, if I may be frank, that you are looking at a WLM D/s dynamic as a way of manipulating increased sexual activity in your marriage. W/o a bio chemical reaction from your wife's authority, (i.e. intrinsic submissive traits), I fear it best you seek help from either a marriage counselor or sexual therapist. Either could facilitate a healthier relationship. As an outside view and I hope you can see this comment coming with care, I do not think trying to manipulate sex out of your wife by earning it from doing chores is healthy.
-SH
Any chance that you could initiate sex and sort of take over the action? You could still give her pleasure directly, but it would come from you, rather than being requested by her. Stranger things have worked in my time.
If I tried to serve Jane's breakfast on one knee, she would reject it straight away. I understand why you want to do this, and that it may seem like only a small thing to expect from your wife in return for being "allowed" to serve her. But just how comfortable is your wife with such an overtly submissive act?
To start with Jane didn't even like me serving her breakfast in bed, almost annoyed if i stood to long waiting to hand her things. Now, however, after many months, she is prepared to sit there and even keep me waiting until she is ready to recieve things. I am not saying what you are doing is wrong, but it sounds as though your wife might be feeling that if she accpets your "submission" that you are expecting "sex" in return.
Clearly, I have no real insight into your history or what it is that you are both thinking, but I do believe that your wife has to want to encourage your submission, and therefore needs some incentive to express a more dominant side. If she is feeling that encouraging your submission will ultimately result in sex, then maybe that's putting her off, especially as you seem to suggest she has a very low lobido.
Some how you need to communicate your need, your desire to feel controlled, and some of the ways that she can express her control over you, to excite you, but not be obliged to have any sexual contact that she does not want.
I really hope that you can figure this out for both your sakes.
When I decided to "throw in the towel" on getting my wife to understand all of this, we also went through a period of awkwardness as I withdrew some of the overt pampering and service I had been providing. In fact, she even complained that all of the pampering suddenly stopped.
All I can offer is that you'll adjust, and that it's probably for the best that you're moving on. You brought this to your wife, and she didn't relate to it... which isn't a flaw of hers. The way I see it, for my own marriage WLM just wouldn't work. It definitely doesn't suit my wife, and maybe it doesn't even suit me. Since I've stopped focusing on it, things are actually better.
You will regret not moving on. There are a lot of available dominant women out there. The fact she won;t do sex unless drunk means it's not a libido issue.
Some women just need a little time off. I would bet that you resume your WLM before too long, it's something that both of you had as a lifestyle, and a good lifestyle at that. You will both miss it, and although your wife probably will not make wholesale changes upon resuming your WLM, she will try to do more teasing and denial because she will see that that is one main component in the mix. And as you get older and some everyday demands get less (careers and children to raise for a starter) a WLM becomes more intense. My wife and I only started our WLM 3 years ago and we are now in our late 50's.
She does wish that we began the day we married, but mentally it wasn't acceptable back then. Plus we were very busy trying to raise a family, both working trying to make ends meet, which seldom did. Only recently are we more financially secure, children raised and gone and us close to retirement. We have eachother and serving her and obeying her seems natural, yes we should have tried this years ago. But there were no great sites like yours for guidance. We did several master(her) and slave(me) scenes throughout the years on days we could manage to be alone during a weekday (wasn't easy), and they ended with my wife allowing me to enter her and cum maybe 10 minutes before the chilren would arrive home. I was never teased and denied, she finished dominating me and allowed me relief. It ended there. Nothing carried over until the next time, maybe 3 months later.
The point I am making is please don't give up hope. Lets face it, we know that it is too good of a lifestyle to give up entirely.
Thank you for this great site and for all that you have done to spread WLM. Believe me, you have done well!!!!!!!!!
Good luck in the future!!!
While I think I can understand your reasoning I don't think I can understand your conclusion if that makes sense.
But as long as you both feel good with it then it is up to you.
I can sense this is a difficult time to adjust to. I hope thing will work out the way you think.
Good luck in any case.
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