For Her or For Me?
Jamie posted an interesting question in my comments section:
""Does it matter if she's doing these things because she wants to, or if she's doing these things because she knows you want her to?""
At All Times thought that it does matter. That you want your wife to want to do this. And I agree.
But here is the catch. Each wife may want to do this for different reasons.
My wife does not recieve any sexual satisfaction from our wife led marriage. However, she has frequently told me that she gets ALOT of satisfaction from feeling like she is being a good wife and lover. She gets satisfaction from knowing that her husband is happy. She gets satisfaction knowing that she is working on our marriage. And probably most importantly, she gets satisfaction in the "connection" that our wife led marriage provides. (And on a side note, I do get sexual satisfaction from our marriage being wife led but it pales when compared to the connection and "structure" that it provides.)
So, yes, she is doing it for herself as well as for me. Do I wish she was doing it more from a purely sexual desire....sure. Is that going to happen....no. Are we both happy. Yes.
I guess it will always come down to whatever works for each couple.
posted by whatevershesays @ 7:20 AM
7 comments
7 Comments:
WSS,
I primarily do it because it makes Gary happy...see ATT.
Most women would prefer to live a vanilla lifestyle, albeit with some pampering and a bit of spice from time to time.
Trust me on this.
Patty
WSS - I have long held this belief myself, guessing that those women that profess to have discovered the joys of a wife led marriage in the letters section on aroundherfinger, or other such sites, are either men just fantasising, fictitious letters added to help promote the sales of their books, or in some very few cases from women whose husbands were so inattentive, unaffectionate, and unhelpful around the house before that they welcome anything than is better than what they had.
For the majority of all other wives, then in a straight vote off, I suspect the vast majority would vote for a Vanilla lifestyle every time, albeit one where they get there own way, have a loving and attentive husband, and one in which that they can satisfy and please their man. It’s this last trait that we rely on heavily in trying to persuade our wives that wife led relationship is right for them too.
In the long run, if both people are happy and communicating the I don't think it matters as much as we think.
This is why I can never get along with "most women."
Is my guy attentive? Yes. Romantic? Yep. Good looking? Intelligent? Loving? Funny? Checks all around.
But if he came to me in a leather collar, handed me a flogger, and dared me to show him who's boss, I would probably die on the spot of lust.
~F
Had anyone ever asked those 'most women'? Speak for yourself, Patty. If those 'most women' would make an effort to listen to their partners and just try..there will be more happy couples and less stress in their marriage.
Margarita
A disclaimer on our prior exchange of comments: We became derailed, and began to argue the wrong point. I apologize for misreading your posting and comments.
For now, I suggest that the easiest way a Wife Led Relationship can be defeated is by a man insisting to serve his wife when she is not ready for it. I know this is not exactly profound. But please, reverse the genders in my statement above, and the result is the same.
Let's be realistic. Fantasy is great when you play it for short periods of time. The rest of the time you must face reality. Regardless of who does what in a household, things need to be done, and the parties have to be more or less satisfied. This crap about total submission and slavery is some guy's fantasy. FLR is great, but both parties must support it and really work at it. If not, it fails real soon, just as any other relationship would.
In my own FLR the feeling and implementation change from non-existent to extremely strict periodically, usually determined by my wife. If it were to wane to non-existent, I would not suddenly become a slob who takes out the garbage once a week but otherwise does nothing. I would still do the work that I do for us now, which is a bit more than that. As for my expectations of her, well, I do miss her attention when it is not forthcoming. I acknowledge it when it happens. By the same token, I expect her to appreciate what I do for her and for us. Not in so many words, but as a feeling I get from her satisfaction and behavior.
The other big issue is sex. Some people are asexual, and his or her partner does not find out until after marriage. That can undo any serious commitment, and professional help may be warranted.
Neither problem: balance of responsibility or sex, has anything to do with what kind of relationship you have. You need to work on the problem, not on the words that describe your relationship. This is no different in a vanilla, FLR, or a Male Led Relationship. There are no simple solutions. But love, commitment, and hard work on both sides solve many problems.
Not wishing to come between two dominant women, there has to be a joke there somewhere, but I will resist. You are both of course right, in my book for most woman to want a vanilla relationship there only has to be more than 50% who don't, and I suspect that there would be a much higher percentage than that that would prefer a more normal loving relationship, tna one in which her husband is completely submissive to her needs and desires. On the other hand there must be some women who actually enjoy this very much, and so Margarita is also right.
There that's probably the first time that I will ever get to come between two dominant women and not have to clean myself up. OK, when I said resist, I didn't say for how long lol
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