Advice Needed

Everything is fine. We are just cruising along. Sure, I wish there was more sexuality, teasing and denyiny or whatever you want to call it but there isn't. No matter what a guy does, she has to be involved and have a libido. My wife's libido is pretty low. And I honestly don't think its me or she'd be horny for others or mastrubating and she swears she isn't and I believe her.

So instead of pushing anything sexual I've mellowed a bit, just letting her take the lead. I keep the house clean, serve her coffee on bended knee each morning and ask once or twice a day if there is anything I can do for her. She always responds no. So besides not being pushy, nothing has changed.

Interestingly, she has been asking me if I am O.K. Commenting that I seem distant. And I suppose from her perspective, the change in my behavior would appear that way. I haven't spoken to her about my "backing off from sexuality" because that will only bring the lack of sex in our marriage back to the forfront. What I am trying to do is accept our lack of sex and let the pace of our sexuality be set by her. However, without me being a bit pushy and the fact that she doesn't need or want sex we just don't do anything sexual and it appears that she has noticed this change.

Again, I dont want to bring it up. But I fear if I do nothing, then nothing will happen. So being completely submissive to her lack of desire isn't working but "lightly topping from the bottom" doesn't work.

I feel a bit trapped. Advice anyone (and for God's sake don't tell me to buy her flowers and run a bubble bath.)

Interesting Comments

I had someone respond lately and the dialogue is something that I read all to frequently on blogs from guys in wife led marriage. In a nutshell, it's about how much and how far a guy should submit just for the joy of submitting and the apparent pleasure of his wife. The reason I say apparent is that without some type of recognition almost all gusy will give up. It's my contention that even in a wife led marriage the wife has "responsibilities." Like I"ve posted before, there is a huge difference between teasing and denying and denying from ignoring or lack of interest.


Here is what the poster wrote:


Dear Mrs. Whatevershesays,
You are way too generous with the amount of pleasure you allow your husband. Two major wrongs here. First, a man should never be allowed to touch his penis, only washing and bathroom time. I make my hubby sit and pee, good for him and eliminates time in his hands. A husband must learn that all of his pleasure is a result of his wife granting it to him. She decides if she will rub it, lick it or let him enter her. And most of the time it should never end with him having an orgasm. She gives him all of the pleasure, he should NEVER be allowed to pleasure himself, especially to the point of letting him cum. Also, two days in a row??? Any wife into a great WLR will tell you that a man should never cum more than 10 times a year. My husband waits a minimum of 2 months before he may have an orgasm, more time is added if he has displeased me. We have been married for 31 years and have been into WLR for about the last 6 years. Easy to do once the last child has married and left the nest. Now we are free to take it to a higher level. He does all of the housework several times a week wearing only panties. He liked mine so much 31 years ago that I have been buying panties for him to wear ever since. Now he wears them full time. His idea but he does look good in them, especially when I'm reading or watching tv and he's doing the floor tiles on his knees, that is nice!! Anyway, my husband will probably cum about 8 times this year, he is so great when he is so horny I really hate it to end. I will let him penetrate me every 2 weeks or so if he has pleased me, but only for 6 to 8 stokes, then out and we go to sleep. So restrict your husband longer than he thinks he can last, he can and will, he'll have no choice. If you feel he will cheat, use a chastity device. We used the CB3000 and then the 6000 for many years. Then I wanted him to show me devotion, and swear to me he wouldn't masturbate. He did promise and hasn't ever done it. He is on the honor system. Any wife can tell when her man has just cum, so I told him if he ever did it, 6 months to a year I would lock his penis back up. No cumming! Make sure only you provide the stimulation and the pleasure, he has to learn that you control that part of his life, as well as the rest of it.

From me
Boy do I have trouble believing this.

Next posting from Anon:
Anonymous said...
Dear Whatevershesays,
If you want a really great WLR then your wife should be much more dominant with you and stop letting you cum just because you want to. And a husband should always realize that his pleasure comes from his wife. It sounds like your wife is trying to appease you and since you state she is not into sex very much, she is allowing you to cum so that you will leave her alone. Tell her that you will wait longer and then show her how great you can be. My husband did that 6 years ago, now there is no going back. Thanks for your great site, I hope you can convince your wife to allow you to show her a great WLR. You certainly have the desire.




From me:

Anon:
I agree. She is probably is trying to appease me due to her low sex drive. However, it's not that I want to cum. Frankly, I wish she'd make me wait. But there is a huge difference bewteen making a husband wait with eve just a little teasing and denying, and ignoring him because she forgot (due to her low sex drive).Wouldn't you agree that even in a WLM, the wife has some even minimal responsibilities (acknowledgement?) to some how participate? I've gone months without so much as even a hint of sexuality/acknowledgement. Even in a wife led marriage there are limits.

Accepting

We are are not into financial domination. Quite the opposite. I control and manage the finances. But as a playful thing, I hand her my check from my part time job. And while on bended knee during my regular coffee service this morning, I gave her cash since it wasn't a direct deposit check.
"Do you want to play with yourself?" What she is really asking is do you want to masturbate to orgasm.
"No thank you, I did that yesterday."
"You may cum two days in a row."
"No thanks, it's not about my orgasms, just some fun."

I thanked her for the offer.

Accepting: If you are in a wife led marriage there comes a point when you must accept what makes her comfortable, not what turns you on. I have to accept that she will ask if I want to masturbate. I'd much prefer that she just tell me too. But it's not about what I want (to a degree of course, it's still a partnership afterall.)

Good Will Hunting

Maybe because I'm looking for it but more and more I see female dominant/wife led gestures and comments in our society. It's always been my contention that women have alot more power in relationships than either sex is willing to acknowledge because men pursuing women for sex aspect. I know that's a gross simplification but it's true. Frankly, the main difference is that I and most of my readers have acknowledged this "power exchange."

Back to the title: Good Will Hunting. Great movie. Minnie Driver and Matt Damon are in bed and it's presumed they have had sex. Snuggling up she says she wants to meet his family and friends. He's trying to avoid that and then she says, "What would you do if I said no sex until I meet them?" As he grabs the phone and calls his buddy she says that he is crazy, it's 4:30 in the morning and only thinks with his dick. Yup.

Just one more example in mainstream media proving that once again, men will do anything to get laid.

And the funny thing to me is that if my buddy called me at 4:30 am because he had to to get laid, I'd understand and wouldn't be mad. And neither would any other guy regardless of if they are in a wife led marriage or not.