Postings: Panties, Libido, What's Good?

It's interesting to me how I think I am going to post about one thing then something else pops up that replaces my thoughts.

For example:

My wife had a $10 off coupon for anything at Victoria's Secret. She found some panties to match her bras. Now, I love shopping in VS and carrying around her choices. But saturday was special. At one point she just said, "Which ones do you think would look best on you?" Or something to that affect. There was a shock and the world started spinning. I replied, "Of course I'll wear whatever you want." And there is no doubt in my mind that the woman right behind us heard our conversation. I damn near orgasmed in my pants.

But this isn't about Panties.

On the blog, Hersforever, there is a great post about tease and deny versus ignore and deny. And how a woman, who isn't naturally dominant, might, because of her love for you, tease and deny you but it won't be part of her daily thoughts. But because it is part of the man's thoughts, he sees the lack of teasing as "ignoring and denying." I wonder if this has to do with her libido. If she was horny, either the guy would get teased and denied often or they's have more sex (perhaps not necesssarily wife led type of sex) but he'd get laid and not care if it was wife led or not. (I'll conceded that there are certain guys who are truly submissive but I believe most use it as way to fill a void in their sex life.) So I ask: How much does her libido play a role in "inablity" to be an active partner in a wife led marriage?

But this isn't about libido.

"What's good? I need some positive feedback." Oh shit. I had just tried to explain, apparently not well, that my previous nights comments about lack of kissing was in no way a compliant about our "less normal" sexual activities. (Last night I was allowed to hump her stocking covered leg. I find if very arousing to be naked, her dressed and me asking then humping her leg.)

But my poor communication led her to hear "not enough kissing" and she was upset. Sex doesn't come easy to her, wife led or otherwise.

Let us all not forget that kind words and positive feedback are important in all our relationships.

What's Good?

Communication...........

I had a very interesting encounter this morning with my wife. I did a bit of wanking and asked not to orgasm.

She said she was confused. She commented that "if I get frustrated and an orgasm releases that frustration isn't that good?"

"I replied that it's just as good if not better when you get me aroused and I'm not allowed to orgasm."

"But sometimes you get so angry because you are frustrated."

"That's true but ONLY when you ignore me. Arousal/denial/frustration when you are actively involved is totally different than if you just ignore me."

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!

I can't count the number of times I've told her that I just need her to be involved in our sex life and that teasing/arousal can be fun and potentially easier than having intercourse, etc (she doesn't have a libido.)

Over on the blog ATALLTIMES, there is a recent post about a commenter saying that he (AAT) should stop pestering his wife with emails/texts, etc to deny him. That "once" (telling your wife your needs) is enough. Ha! I couldn't disagree more.

Now, my wife may or may not understand. If she can find the fun and the ability to activate the sexual part of her brain is a totally different, and quite sad, issue.

Happiness is......

Trying to explain to your wife that you should be denied an orgasm.

It's not easy. And it had nothing to do with the fact that I was on my knees, stroking.

I told her the truth, that my lust for her goes down after an orgasm, that I'm not as attentive to her needs and I'm not as happy. I'd rather her make me wait. Of course, how long.....well that's a difficult question.

The fact of the matter is that she lets me orgasm way to much. I'm not sure if it is because she thinks I want it or if I then stop pestering her sexually for a few days. You can bet I'm going to ask about the latter. I'll let you know.

Oh, and has this happened to you? After after our discussion, all the while I was stroking and getting fairly close, extremely hard (yea, there are scales of hardness) I finally...deflated....and then felt something cold down there. I guess I must have been closer than I thought because a small about of precum (you know, the stuff that comes out before it cums out that gets girls pregnant because you thought you had pulled out) had leaked onto my boxers and made a very tiny wet spot. Kinda like if you didn't shake it enough after peeing.

It was a nice reminder of what had just occurred.

Motivation

I have none.....after I orgasm....LOL

Slow but Steady

I'm sorry I haven't posted in while. Fortunately, it's not because we left the WLM lifestyle but more because there hasn't really been much to post about.

I've started a full time 50+ hours per week job. This has neccessitated my wife doing more around the house. A hard cold dose of reality.

With my wife's low libido and recent travels, sex, well intercourse, has been non-existent. And as she loses interest more and more, I find it quite difficult to push the issue knowing I'll get rejected.

However, I still serve her coffee on bended knee each morning and she has made me arouse myself on a few occasions. While most result in my orgasm, some don't and thats fun.

I don't know what constitutes a "normal" sex life. I do believe we are at the "fringe."

But we are relatively happy and making it work, so for now, it's OK.

Busy, Busy

Nothing going on.

Still Here

Not much going from the WLM front. Anything sexual has been very, very slow. All last week our middle child was getting up early with us for lacrosse practice. And the morning time is when we do sexual things so.....nada.


As others have written, school starts soon and I hope we get back into a routine.