Monday, October 30, 2006

Still here

The other night, around 1 am we both just happened to wake up. Groggy, she told me get her some lemondade. This required making it first.

I thanked her the next morning for making me get up and serve her and that I found it a turn on. I added that I hoped she'd demand more and in doing so, a quick stoke, tweek of the nipple or playful pat on the ass would be perfect. No orgasm, just a little tease.

She replied that "it" was difficult for her. I asked later if she found be demanding difficult and she thought that it was sometimes disrespectful. I told her not to worry.

Truth is, I don't think she really enjoys sex or touching/kissing etc. She NEVER touches first, NEVER reaches out to hold my hand much less other parts of my anatomy. We don't kiss much, even when having sex. She used to like recieving longer.

She just doesn't need the physical intimacy on any regular basis. It seems a stress thing. Vacation sex can be often, varied and wonderful. And non-vacation sex can be pretty adventurous after a few drinks.

I guess I just have to live with it as I know I couldn't look my children in the eyes and tell them I was getting divorced because Mom wouldn't put out.


At 3:19 PM, Blogger helpmate hubby said...

OMG I have so been there where you are at! It's so hard when your not getting the intimacy you crave, but just remember that your kids should always come before your sex drive. My suggestion to you would be more "mini vacations" with the kids left with family members to help bring balance to your life and keep your needs fulfilled. I just got back from a vacation in which my Wife allowed me to make lve to Her more in three days than She had in the last 5 months combined!

As a couple we may be much alike. I want sex when i feel under stress, and when my Wife is under stress it's the last thing she wants. However, my Wife does get in the mood when it's just the two of us and we are totally away from stress and on this last occassion She became a total wild woman, which you can read about in my blog. Anyway, when i'm on vacation sex isn't nearly as important to me, but like most men i will take it on evry occassion i can.

My advice bottom line. More little getaways and then do follow ups with roses and candy sent to her when you return to let her know how much the time spent with her meant to you. Perhaps that will help rekindle the fires more at home. Good luck!

Helpmate hubby

At 6:15 AM, Blogger fd said...

i am so sorry when i hear that a fellow submale is feeling down. we all get that way when we are struggling with our own needs and trying to build a FLR. Don't give up! i would suggest some romance to put Her in the mood more often. i would also suggest that you approach Her as if you were somebody completely new in Her life and were trying to get Her to fall in love with the new "you." Seduce Her as if She were your new girlfriend, but this time from the perspective of a submale trying to bring out Her dominant side. If this were easy, the society would be permeated with FLRs. It is hard but well worth it!

At 7:03 PM, Blogger slave2Catwoman said...

Please don't take this the wrong way. But how does a man decide to marry a woman who is not physically affectionate? Are you saying that her sex drive/libido are low? Was it always this way?

At 9:12 PM, Blogger helpmate hubby said...

Umm i don't know about the rest of the submale's who are married, but back in the single non-D/s oriented days my then girlfriend and i are were having sex all the time. Then real world jobs and kids come along and for so many Wives it seems sex becomes a very low priority. From all the men i know, this is far and away the norm, and why so many of my alpha male friends got divorced. I hope this blogs author doesn't make the same mistake.

At 9:37 PM, Blogger whatevershesays said...

Helpmate we could be brothers!

Kids, job, etc lead to a less affectionate wife. I know it's stress due to great vacation sex and how she is after 2 glasses of wine.

Thanks for your concern. We won't be divorcing

At 7:27 PM, Blogger slave2Catwoman said...

I don't know how I knew, but I knew not to have kids. So often having kids just seems to take all the joy out of a couple, especially the woman, who, no matter how much things change in society, always ends up doing most of the child care. I just never wanted any babies or toys all over the place, or cribs, bastinets, diapers, or any of that stuff. I want sexy lingerie and seamed stockings and high heels. Maybe it's all because I am still just a kid who never really grew up. I am the fun uncle, though.

At 8:30 PM, Blogger Tom Allen said...

I guess I just have to live with it as I know I couldn't look my children in the eyes and tell them I was getting divorced because Mom wouldn't put out.

You are doing yourself an injustice if the lack of communication and emotional intimacy are damaging your psyche; believe me, things do not get better by themselves. But it's also grossly unfair to consider a desire for an emotional connect as simply "putting out."

I know that it's a difficult thing to overcome years of inertia. I've been there. In fact, I'm still there, now. It has taken a lot of work to make things a little bit better, and I'm often discouraged by how easily things will backslide. But you have to motivate yourself to keep pushing, not for a FLR, but to regain (or develop) trust and intimacy in your relationship, or you're just going to spend the next fifteen years becoming more depressed and defeated.

Tom Allen
The Edge of Vanilla

At 8:57 PM, Blogger helpmate hubby said...

Hang in there and just keep the focus on her and keep treating her like a Queen and i'm sure you'll be fine. I commend you for recognizing that your priorites should be in areas other than your own sexual urges. Not that it's healthy for them to go completely ignored, just keep working with Her and i am sure with a little effort on your part in terms of pushing her buttons (vacations, relaxing evenings with Wine, overnight babysitters a couple times a month etc.. that things will start looking up. Let us know how it goes!


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