Dr. Laura and your thoughts
Holy Shit Batman, I'm going to discuss something I heard on Dr. Laura. The very conservative talk show host that tells women they should do more to please their men.
Disclaimer: It was one of the few radio stations I could get and didn't know it was her right away.
I caught the very last part. From what I can tell, a woman called in with a a low libido and didn't want to have sex with her husband. Dr. Laura said if you don't, then he won't want to live in a desert and might turn to porn and hookers. I thought this was an exageration.
But this is what I found interesting: Dr. Laura said you don't need to be horny to make love (she stressed make love) to your husband. It was about connection and loving, not just making you feel good (aka orgasms?)
Wow, did I want in on that coversation. I hate agreeing with her, but she is right to a degree. We all put too much connection on the sex and not enough on the love making....or the making of love.
Thoguhts anyone?
posted by whatevershesays @ 3:50 PM
10 comments
10 Comments:
I agree with Dr. Laura on some things, like her emphasis on caring for one's man. On this particular topic, though, I'd have to disagree. I've had plenty of sex with the aim of "pleasing my man" in the past, while my needs go ignored, and I find that unsatisfying.
What Dr. Laura repeatedly fails to emphasize is that needs go both ways. Yes, sex is a need and I agree that "regular" sex (whatever that means) is essential for a healthy relationship. According to Dr. Laura, though, women are pretty much supposed to drop trou whenever her man says so. And that doesn't work for me.
I have needs, too. And one of them is the time and the space to allow desire to simmer and percolate on its own -- without pressure, and without rush. Having sex at my boyfriend's invitation is great -- when I'm aroused and ready, or at least, willing to become aroused. The sense of obligation, though, is a buzz kill. The sense that such and such must happen every time the guy says it should happen. Nothing kills my desire faster.
If I tried explaining that to Dr. Laura, she would probably say to lie back and allow it to happen anyway. But, to me, it can't really be "making love" if it doesn't even matter whether or not I want it. That's just me, I guess. Manifesto-sized diatribe aside, I genuinely love sex and have a very healthy sexual relationship. One that I control, as domme, but one which holds my boyfriend's needs as equally important. If that makes any sense.
I truly hope you and your wife are able to reach a mutual compromise. I stumbled upon your blog a few weeks ago, and I've enjoyed reading about your experience.
All the best!
Leslie
"Holy Shit Batman, I'm going to discuss something I heard on Dr. Laura."
This was probably one of the funniest statements I read in "bloggerspace" for quite some time. :-)
Leslie:
Thanks for reading and the reply.
And I do agree with you. But in some type of weak ass defense of Dr. Laura, you have a libido. The woman calling in didn't. I think what Dr. L was trying to say was that you don't necessarily need to be horny to make love to your husband (and I don't for a second assume this is intercourse). But to ignore him sexually/physically, because you aren't horny is a mistake.
Laywer: thanks
I can see where Dr Laura is coming from here, and I agree that making love doesn't all have to be about having sex.
For all sorts of reasons, some women with low libido's just aren't interested in sex,which makes it very difficult for the man in that relationship. What I find difficult to understand is in such relationships, when the woman is aware that she can please and pleasure her man in so many different ways that don't involve sex, then why do some seem so reluctant to take this opportunity. You would have thought that they would be pleased to have a way of pleasing their partner, especially around the theme that he would be focussed on satisfaction, making himself an attentive loving and obedient husband. It seems to me that the woman under these circumstances doesn't have much to lose and great deal to gain.
I know men are different, but I am pretty sure that if Jane came to me and asked me to do something for her or to her, that didn't do anything for me sexually, then I would becaues I love her, and take pleasure from seeing her turned on or just happy.
Ms. Leslie,
I noticed the change you describe right away when bedroom time became centered around my wife. She enjoyed a slow build up during the day with me doing affectionate things for her and then when she was horny, she enjoys a slow process to become satisfied. She likes when I get her just about to the edge and then back off a few times until she prompts me to go ahead and finish her. It must be something common among woman and a subtlety often lost to us men. For me, it took a transition into a FLR to discover.
-SH
My girlfriend comes to me whenever she wants and expects me to do what ever it is she needs and I am very happy to do her bidding. Having come from an almost sexless marriage this is heaven to me.
I agree with Dr. L to an extent. There is absolutely a difference and still having a connection and making love to your spouse is a variety of things. I mean from kissing and holding...massaging and touching...even oral sex or a hand job....there are lots of ways to please your spouse.
I believe when one person gives up on the compromise within the relationship it puts a strain on things. Temptation is everywhere, it is a choice to push one away in such a way.
Only the two of them can define what intimacy is for them.
I have ended up in a sexless marriage due to these circumstances:
He would rather self stimulate through movies or internet (although I was always willing)
Also he has also seems to find people of the same sex on lists to try and hook-up with (not a part of the deal when I got married)
It does suck that the internet has made all things possible...yes i do know that the person makes the choice to explore these avenues but with sites catering to married people having affairs too....who can really compete with that???
Listening to Dr. Laura. Get Help.
From the female perspective, how is 'making love' when you are not horny any different then jacking off when you aren't horny but you know it will help you fall asleep? And/or if your man is horny and you are not, then over time, he's gonna go else where. Think HC and the Mrs Tiger Woods.
BTW, reminder, google Dr. Laura's mother dying and that should remind you what a mess this human being is. Def. not one to be giving advise to a dog let alone a person.
I agree with Dr Laura to an extend. The sexual relationship too is a form of communication. When shut off the communication will need to be found another way.
I do wholeheartedly agree that sometimes the sex drive needs to be re-booted another way. If I only had sex if I was horny beforehand, it would be a lot less than it is.
Post a Comment
<< Home