Why Struggle?
From the title I'm guessing you expect a post about why I continue to try and implement a wife-led marriage.
Quite the opposite.
Before and after my last post, I decided to back off a bit. It seemed like I was pushing for something she didn't want. Of course she noticed and we talked about it. I told her I was going to dial it back and perhaps a wife led marriage isn't what will work for us.
Boy was I wrong.
Out on a date last night, we went to the mall. Of course, wife led or not, I carried the bags and held open doors. No big deal. But along the way, we stopped at Victoria's Secret to use a free panty coupon. Of course, I carried that bag too. It was damn small and was obviously only containing a panty.
At point during the night she said, " I don't know why you think we aren't in a wife led marriage. You know I'm the boss." Well, that pressed a button! She continued, "You think we aren't in a wife led marriage because I don't control your orgasms." "Well, I don't care if you wack off once in a while. I just want to control most of them. You shouldn't define our wife led marriage by something you read on the internet. It doesn't work that way."
And there you have it. No matter what us guys think, the wife defines what your wife led marriage will look like. And as long as she actively defines it.....well, that's just great.
During our mall trip, we purchased a ring for her to celebrate our 20 years of marriage. She told me that I could pick it up and present it to her at her job, regardless of how many people will be there.
posted by whatevershesays @ 11:51 AM
18 comments
18 Comments:
"Well, I don't care if you wack off once in a while. I just want to control most of them. You shouldn't define our wife led marriage by something you read on the internet. It doesn't work that way."
It sounds to me as if she is controlling all of them. You're doing what she wants. Sometimes she wants you to do whatever. That's still what she wants.
It's wonderful to read that you are feeling better about your situation.
~ Lady Julia
That is awesome. Brilliant. Bravo to your wife.
I want to say great, well done, that's fantastic, but can't help feeling from your previous post that you still may not have addressed the problem about the lack of physical affection.
I only say this because I know just how difficult it can be sometimes to want something so much, but for it not to be acknowledged in the way that you would like.
I truly worry sometimes that we will never feel completely satisfied or content, but there is always that glimmer of hope. The big question is by giving your wife what "she" wants, is that sufficinet to meet your needs.
Well said......
dito.
BTW, congratulations on 20 yrs..
;-}
Very nice. Very thoughtful posting.
We, too, sometimes debate whether to "formalize" our relationship. Most often, it is better to be dominated in real life than to worry about adding all the little details of calling her mistress in public, etc.
bobbi
Great post! What your wife said about not basing your relationship on what you saw on the internet makes a lot of sense.
I agree with Lady Julia. I'm happy you found yourself in a better situation.
As for me, I'm still in the same ol' boat. Still trying to gather the courage to tell my wife that I'm a submissive.
I think I'll never will.
Good luck and hope it continues :)
do address the intimacy and affection thingthough. It almost cost us our marriage not dealing with it soon enough.
Mykey
Her statement " I don't care if you wack off once in a while", my wife and I feel she really doesn't want you to do that though. It just takes some of the pressure off her.
Tell her that from this point on you will never "whack it" ever again. You will remain horny until she sees fit to give you the privledge of an orgasm. Stay horny, you will see such a difference in how you feel about eachother. My wife makes me wait at least 6 weeks for an orgasm. Sure I could take care of myself, but in a WLM the husband should never take that option. My wife plays with me daily, and I do complain to her how horny I become. She says, "Good, that's the way you're supposed to be". So try it for 6 months, you will see a big difference in your attitude and also hers.
Tell her that from this point on you will never "whack it" ever again. You will remain horny until she sees fit to give you the privledge of an orgasm.
Worship Her, if Whatevershesays follows your suggestion, who is in charge?
Sure I could take care of myself, but in a WLM the husband should never take that option.
What if that's what she wants?
~ Lady Julia
Lady Julia - I hear what you are saying, and it is very easy to adopt this approach. If you are submissive to your wife, if you really believe in your wife having complete control, then you should do just as she says, what she wants and you should put your needs below hers.
All of this is easy if you sense, or can see that your wife wants you to do certain things because she exercising the control that she has over you, and is maybe encourging your submission by doing so.
If, however, in this case she is happy for WSS to please himself, as a way of her avoiding the need to satisfy his needs more regularly, then I can understand his frustration, and need for more direct interaction from his wife.
That just felt like talking about someone that is in the room and not acknowleding them, sorry WSS. I hope you didn't mind.
I think I am generally in agreement with Mr. @ all times. I know for me, if I feel my wife is not doing her teasing part to keep my drive to please her active, my obedience is forced and I will feel frustration and have a more difficult time not being manipulative. At least, this is what I found.
When a man has an orgasm his overall behavior changes, and usually not for the better. His submissiveness diminishes and can take several days or weeks (depending on age) to recover to an acceptable level that his wife will enjoy.
That is why a husband should not masturbate unless his wife tells him to do it right then and there. If she says do it when you want once in a while, I don't mind, she will not get the full effect of having and enjoying a horny husband. And he is not helping to fulfill a wife led marriage. If whatevershesays doesn't masturbate, even with his wife's reluctant ok, he will be a better husband, and his wife will see the better state that he has kept himself in. In other words, without an orgasm, he will give his wife alot of devotion and adoration, she will apreciate that and see the nice difference.
He can tell her that he is saving himself for her, she is the one who owns him, so he wants all of his pleasure to come from ONLY his wife. But he must make a promise to his wife, as my husband did to me, not ever to masturbate again. I have had my husband denied for up to 10 weeks at times, he is so submissive and wonderful after 3 weeks that I really hate to give him relief. It pleases me to have him that way longer and longer each time. He has said that if that is what pleases me, then he wants that also. We do make love often, but he is only allowed a certain number of strokes in me and then he must take it out. Of course I get my orgasms. I have told him that accidents are forbidden, and that the punishment for having one is 6 months of absolutely no sex for him in any shape or form. It has been years now that we have this relationship and he has not disobeyed this.
Remember, between 6 and 10 orgasms a year is more than enough orgasms for a husband. I like to go on the lower side of this scale. It works for us. Thanks!
Lady Julia, wives really do not want their husbands to be relieving themselves, or whacking off as he wrote. They do like us better when we are very horny and then very attentive. If whatevershesays makes the decision not to do it himself, as the above post states, he will be a better husband and more devoted. Lets face it, after an orgasm our attitude changes about our sex turnons, they are there but put way on the back burner until we start getting horny again. And then they surface. His wife will like the changes in him and ask why. She will like not having the high and lows in his libido. Always high. Then she will realize how important it is that a wife maintain strict control of orgasms she allows every so often to her husband. And bad behavior results in her punishing him by adding weeks or months onto the wait time. My wife adds months now. Twice in 3 years I have made her very angry. The first time was 2 additional months, the second time was 3 months of more wait time. She did cut that back though, but next time she said she will not.
Although wives are in charge, sometimes they do need a few suggestions, especially on male behavior. It makes for a better WLM.
Thank you for your responses to my comment. My reply was a bit long so I posted it as an entry on my blog.
Whatevershesays, whatever you each decide, I hope it works out well for you.
I sooooooo agree with your wifes coments. My wife and I started a FLR and we are loving it. Like you I always opened doors and soforths, thats just being a a gentleman. As I started to blog about our new FLR and looked back on thing I relaized that she always ran the show. She was always in charge. All we have really done is define the roles in a more crisp way.
She controls my orgasm. But like you sometime she simply tells me " I don't care if you cum". To me, that means she still controls it. It's just not an issue that that time or point.
But more to the point she controls everything, not just my orgasms. What I have discovered thru blogging and looking back at our relationship is that she never needed to be "domme". She didn't have to wear the thigh high boots to be in control. She didn't have to bark out orders. She ran the show and that was that.
We simply found a way to define this to better fit what we both are looking for.
Blogging has made us both realize our places and how to better use a FLR to define these roles and become closer.
Fell free to read my blog and leave comments and suggestions as we both want to hear from as many people as we can to learn and grow.
You can click my ID from here or vist our blog at http://forever-hers.blogspot.com
Genial post and this enter helped me alot in my college assignement. Say thank you you for your information.
@ Very Happy Wife -- No offense to you personally, but I think your comments sound quite selfish and unrealistic (unreasonable denial also comes at a cost to women, who are just as human as men). Naturally, your statements obviously don't apply to all men in FLR relationships, or FLR relationships in general -- many of which are based on sensitivity for the feelings of both partners. That's what a loving relationship is, FLR or otherwise.
Post a Comment
<< Home