What? It's not just about me?
Crap!
You mean it isn't about me getting my rocks off (or almost:)
Crap!
I again find myself doing alot of things for me, hoping she'll join in.
So I'm going to just chill out.
It will work or it won't.
Can't force these things.
Everything is actually OK. Still no phyical affection, sexaul or otherwise. Nothing I can do about that. I can only control my reaction.
So I will wait. I will stop trying to force it.
But here's the question: "How long would you wait for physical affection in your marriage?" (Yes, kids are involved). I will wait. Would you?
posted by whatevershesays @ 3:55 PM
7 comments
7 Comments:
That's a very difficult question. I am sure that you may have explained before, but it's not clear to me why your wife does not want to have sex, or even if she doesn't need it for herself, why she seesm so reluctnat to pleasure you in some way. You obviously have kids, so there must have been some sex at one time or another.
I would personally find it very difficulty to continue my quest for a WLM, if I did not recieve some sort of encouragment, especially the sexual kind. If your wife does not feel the need to have sex, then in many respects, offering her the opportunity to make yours a WLM, giving her the control, would make this very much easier for her to decide if how and when.
What any man needs though, WLM or not, is some of attention, acknowledgment, whatever you call it, but it's definitley needed.
I can't really answer your question because everyone is different, and there are kids involved, what are you suggesting you do if you never get the physical attention you are seeking?
as long as it is clear she is deliberately keeping me chaste, I enjoy the maintenance of my chastity.
I have spoken honestly to her when I felt she was not invoking her role as the tease to keep me motivated and chasing after her. I find without that at some level, I become edgy and my manipulation begins to bubble up.
Now, if you are suggesting a qusi-WLM where the there is no sexual intimacy, nor any purposeful sexual arousal, I personally do not think it healthy. My wife is a beautiful woman. If I am asked to live in the same home with her, sleep in the same bed, and spend large portions of my week in her presence, it is only natural for me to be sexually attracted to her and I think it unfair of her to ignore the reaction I am experiencing. In fact, from what I have read in the AHF book and elsewhere, ignoring is the wrong approach. It is instead one of the principal ways for the wife to effect a leadership role in her husband.
IMHO, you should share your feelings with your wife in a safe conversation some time if you feel the need to discuss.
Hope things go well.
I love my marriage. I wait for things too.
I want it stay strong in other areas.
Can I go without the sexual affection no. And I don't.....it's not frequent in the marriage...
How long do you wait?? That's too easy. Until she says you don't have to.
Get in back of the long line of men that want much more physical affection. Like most of us, you'll have to reach the conclusion that sex happens when it happens... that the weakest link defines a chain's strength. Her libido defines your (real) sex life.
If you measure your relationship's strength and quality by other standards (you true partners in raising your children, you benevolent, loving and caring with one another), you'll find happiness. I read that on a matchbook.
Meanwhile, I think you'll find that women want physical affection as much as men do... but what motivates them for acting on that drive is very different. I guess it's more closely related to a sense of emotional connection, where your sex drive is more (but not completely) related to a drive for orgasm. Or, women want sex when they feel emotionally connected to their man, while men probably need sex to feel emotionally connected to their women. Or not - I read that on a different matchbook.
You must have very big matchbooks out there, but then everything in the USA is bigger than here lol.
Seriously though, some wise words from S, especially from his second book of matches.
Important philosophical question! Well asked!
Bobbi
http://stores.lulu.com/EmpressArises
Still no physical affection, sexual or otherwise. Nothing I can do about that. I can only control my reaction.
When you say "no physical affection, sexual or otherwise", what exactly do you mean? I ask because in reading back through some of your posts, it seems as if there is. Is it that it isn't happening often enough?
What does she say when you speak to her about your feelings on this?
If this is too personal, please don't feel obligated to reply. I'm just trying to understand.
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