Money Issues
I use yahoo for my everyday email and they posted an article about money issues in marriage. It had some good points like discussing it BEFORE you get married, loaning money to extended family, etc etc. And there was a section on "power play" and who should control money and joint accoutns versus comingled.
I am not one of those guys that believes that just because you are in a wife led mariage that she should have total control, not allow you access at all and give you an allowance. I control all the finances. She makes quite a bit of money and long ago I decided not to over extend ourselves on our mortgage. Each month we have "play money" and always pay off our credit cards. We own 2 older cars (5 years and 8) that are paid for.
Shit, sorry that sounded like bragging. I never ever forget how fortunate we are.
But I bet she couldn't come with $3,000 of how much we have in our checking account and not within $25 K of our retirement account.
And no, this isn't an area where she had told me that I am to take charge. My controlling of the finances started long before our acknowledged wifeledness.
My point.....established roles, even one where the man leads AND is in a wife led marriage are OK. And for the financial safety of our kids I'd never let her have sole custody of all our money.
posted by whatevershesays @ 10:16 AM
5 comments
5 Comments:
I agree with you 100%, except for the bit where you don't want to brag. We are in very similar circumstances, save for the fact that our mortgage has been paid off for a few years.
My wife earns a lot of money, and I don't work outside of the home. I do, however, manage the finances and have immediate access to same. I feel it's important to remember that things do happen, from minor emergencies, to illness, to horrible accidents, where one or the other partner reqires access to funds NOW.
Unless there are extenuating circumstances where a spouse cannot be trusted with money (why then stay married), access to finances should be shared equally.
Q
This is couple dependent. For us neither in charge of finance would work. We both have a need to be financially stable independently and jointly. We have a hers, his and ours set up and we love it.
I could not live with a man that controlled my finances, nor would I want to control his.
I would say to each their own, but it scares me if I see people handing over all savings and control to another, because of the power dynamics in a relationship.
I wish not agree on it. I think warm-hearted post. Specially the title-deed attracted me to review the unscathed story.
Shadowlady: I guess it's also a function of how one defines control. In my marriage I pay the bills and generally handle the finances.
What I am opposed to is having an account in just one name only. Once in awhile some guy will post how he has his check direct deposited into his wife's account for which he can't access and the house and car are in her name.
Everything is in both our names. She has access to everything just not the time or inclination to watch our 401K account.
My situation is a bit different, since I earn most of our income. My wife definitely does not want anything to do with accounting, finances, retirement accounts, or paying bills. Consequently, it is all in my realm.
That does not mean, however, that all that is mine, and she has nothing. She spends as much as she wants, and when she is way over the budget, I tell her. If the budget needs adjustment, we discuss it. I am also in charge of income tax, insurances, etc.
Having said all that, I see no point in a woman taking control of the family finances just because she is in an FLR. If she has an affinity for it, and her husband doe not, and does not want to deal with it, fine. On the long run in a committed marriage with children it would be a very petty and unrealistic person, male or female, to say, "this is mine alone".
A marriage is a partnership regardless of what label we put on it. Love, trust and share are the keywords. Yes there are failed marriages, and they have little or nothing to do with who does the finances.
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