When is Denying just Denying or is it Teasing too?
Like many in a wife led marriage, I enjoy being teased and denied. It's particularly important in my marriage because we don't have alot of intercourse so it (T&D) is what we do. And like others, some times it crosses over into just denial. Denial, without teasing is to me like being ignored. Not good in any marraige.
Over the past few days I have been prompting my wife to at least let me get aroused. I don't expect to orgasm since we are going away, without kids this weekend. But life with children has prevented us from a little play time. Ok, no problem.
As we were enjoying the warm rays of the sun yesterday, I asked her if we could get together to tease, arouse and deny me. She said no.
No? What the fuck? No sex, no teasing, no nothing for over a week. I was royally pissed off.
Then she said that I would have to wait until the weekend. No teasing, no denying, no nothing until then.
Wholly crap, I was turned on. By deciding, quite forcefully, that I wouldn't get teased and denied before the weekend, I got teased and denied. Her control and power at that moment still has my head spinning.
I am more confused than ever. But very, very happy with this turn of events. Her denying of teasing and denying was in fact teasing and denying. LOL
posted by whatevershesays @ 5:59 AM
10 comments
10 Comments:
I wish I could look at this in the same way that you do. To me ignoring sex or arousal is certainly not denial. I really don't understand what's so difficult about this.
AAT: In a nutshell, she didn't ignore me. She CHOSE not to tease and deny me for a short period of time. And she acknowledged her position of authority by telling me that she was not allowing me to get aroused.
This is a perfect example of how much of this is in our heads. God knows what she was actually thinking. Whatever it was, you interpret her actions with optimism. On another day, at another time, maybe you would interpret her same action differently.
Or would you always interpret as such?
S: It's a matter of circumstances. We are going away tomorrow to celebrate the 3 year anniversary of me approaching her and her accpetance of a wife led marriage.
Now, had she said what she said after a week of no teasing or denying or anything sexual then it's fair to say that a long and difficult discussion would have ensued.
I'm confused, you say that you are going away to celebrate her accpetance of a wife led marriage, but from what you tell us it's not clear to me that your wife really is engaged or participates to any great extent in what I would suggest constitutes a wife led marriage. I know everyones views of what constitutes a wife led marriage will be different, but there has to be to some degree of sexual flirtation, the wife using her sexuality and her husbands submissive feelings to get what she wants, especially associated with tease and denial. To my mind you can only really have a true "wife led marriage" if the wife is using arousal and denial simultaneously to encourage her husbands submission.
I am sure that in most husband/wife relationships, the wife is actually in charge, but what sets a truly dominant wife apart in a 2wife led marriage" is her ability to impose her will on her husband using a combination of sexually motivated teasing, arosual and a desire within herself to actually want to take control.
As S says, how much of all of this is in the man's mind, and how much is real, is a good question. I ma not for one minute suggesting that yours is not a wife led marriage, any more or less than mine is, but is all a question of degrees, and what you as an individual couple see and accpet within your partnership/relationship.
I hope that you have a great anniversary.
AAT: I understand your confusion! I think it is a matter of degrees. We both acknowledge that ours is a wife led marriage. We both agree that, among other things, she is in charge of our sex life and my orgasms.
I think the confusion is that she isn't as consistent as I would like. That she doesn't tease and deny me as often as I would like.
But it is definately a WLM. And thank you, we had an great night away.
I totally understand this. :-)
I think that your situation is more real than most men's who are into this thing. I have experienced what you are relating, see "http://hersforever.blogspot.com/2009/04/in-cage-again.html".
It would be funny if it were not real. My approach was and is sarcastic. I am in a position to poke fun at myself. But I feel bad about you guys who experience the same.
I have read, neglect is dangerous to the health of a FLR. If you are feeling it, it is your responsibility, IMHO, to tell your wife. It is also a feeling you are having and should therefore let her know and not hold back. I do know what you are saying about it being a turn on when her authority is exerted and I also struggle with this turn-on vs. feelings of neglect. Let me know how you manage it. I think it could help me too.
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