Sexless Isn't Loveless
It seems to me that the blogs that last are the ones, almost exclusively, written by men, struggling to make their marriage work. After comments I read by LadyJulia on AtAllTimes's blog, I wanted to address the sexless (or nearly sexless) marriage as compared to the loveless marriage.
While I complain, I am fortunate and must remember that my wife loves me. And it appears so does the wives of AAT, Worshiping Your Wife, Allforher, Hardwired Submissive Man, etc. etc.
I am a lucky guy and I don't think I could look my kids in the eye and say that I'm divorcing their mom, blowing up their lives, because she doesn't screw me enough.
Well, that and I truly love her! :)
posted by whatevershesays @ 2:53 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
WSS - I just wanted to put the record straight. When you say that blogs that last are the ones "struggling to make their marriage work", I assume you mean, making a wife led marriage work, there is a big difference. I couldn't have asked for a better marriage, kids and family life, that together with Jane, we have built for ourselves.
Our (my) struggle to establish a wife led marriage has always and will always be down to me and what I have desired. I have never been in any doubt about the depth and strength of Jane's love for me, and in fact, it is testimony to Jane's love for me that she has put up with and to a certain extent accpeted my submissive feelings. Jane indulges my fantsy, if not really embracing it, but there is still time yet for her to maybe accpet and even encourage it.
If Jane asked me to stop all this tomorrow, I would. I wouldn't be happy but her happiness and our marriage is far more important to me. What I seek is something that becomes just natural, is fun for both of us, and something that Jane just takes for granted. For some reason, she just can't see or appreciate just how good it could be. It would be great if she could just tell me what she wants, it may not be exactly what I want, but at least she would be dictating what direction our relationship takes.
I think it's fair to say that most, if not all submissive men/husbands, are selfish to a certain extent.We all want what they want and expect our wives just to accpet and enjoy what they are offering, but I don't doubt that we all love our wives.
AAT: My point exactly. You love Jane, and would continue to love her regardless of a wife led marriage. And from you postings, she loves you.
As far as "struggling to make their marriag work"....I should clarify and maybe say "struggling to make their marriage better".
And while you and I agree on almost everything (and certainly everything of substance), I disagree that men seeking a wifeled marriage are selfish.
Quite the opposite. It is a huge leap to ask you wife to enter into a wife led marriage. A leap of faith, openess and submission.
I suppose I'm patting myself on my back but I do believe, from the blogs I've read that have lasted over time, that these gentlemen are not selfish.
I do understand where you are coming from on this, and I agree that "It is a huge leap to ask you wife to enter into a wife led marriage. A leap of faith, openess and submission."
Nevertheless, and depite it being all of the above, we are still trying to impose something on our wives that fundementally we want for ourselves. I know that you could argue that the wife benefits greatly under this type of relationship, but it is still something that we want for ourselves, maybe it doesn't become selfish when your wife wnats the same thing. Being unselfish would be giving your wife what she wants not what you want.
Sorry AAT, we will have to agree to disagree.
I am sure that some guys "impose" a WLM on their wives. However, I prefer to think of it as introducing a new way of managing the relationship. If she says yes, great. If she hesitates or stumbles, then you both discuss it and work on what is best for both of you. If she says, no freaking way then that's the end of it.
The issue that you raise deserves some in-depth discussion. I cannot do it justice here. However, you have inspired me to write about it on my blog, and I will give you credit for the inspiration.
By the way, I agree with you.
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