Seperation
How do you all seperate what is "normal" from what is wife-led? Can things be seperate? Should they be? If you do things that are simply nice for your wife but you are in a wife-led marriage are those things automatically "wife-led" or can they be separate?
I ask these question because of the following simple situation. We car pool with another family so my kid can go to a music lesson. Tonight they drive, we pick up. At the same time another kid has sports practice. Both end at the same time. The music lesson is 30 minutes away, the sports is about 5. I of course told my wife that I'll drive the 30 minutes (hour round trip) so she can have the easier and quicker pick up. In addition, we will both already be at the sports practice working out.
I'm finding it difficult to seperate my driving the longer distance as a nice, simple husbandly jesture from a nice, simple lovingly jesture a husband in a WLM should perform. And honestly, I like the wife-led part of it. And for more honesty, I wish she would have just told me to drive the longer distance.
I suppose it doesn't matter if I consider the driving wife led or not as long as I don't fixate on it and turn it into some over the top scene.
A quick follow up. She sent me an email saying that the music lesson driving is all mine and that she would score points by putting ready made cookies in the oven and taking a hot shower. I responded with a funny WTF email...."So you get the points while I drive an hour?" Her response, "Yes, glad you understand."
Hmmmm, maybe the normal day to day things that were once just "normal" are now part of the fabric of our wife led marriage. And if so, I'm damn happy about it.
posted by whatevershesays @ 2:09 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
You say, "I'm finding it difficult to seperate my driving the longer distance as a nice, simple husbandly jesture from a nice, simple lovingly jesture a husband in a WLM should perform."
Is there a difference?
I think I understand what you mean, because I feel the same way as you do. I can also see, to a certain extent, what SP means, when he says that there should be no difference.
SP:
No, not a difference except that most guys over sexualize everything and then possibly turn off their wives.
Of course, it's all about how I respond to the everyday tasks, trying to find the balance, empower my wife and not sexually pressure her.
How things are framed makes a huge difference in all kinds of situations.
Is it an "inheritance tax" or a "death tax"? Is someone "pro-life" or "anti-abortion"? "pro-choice" or "pro-abortion"?
Is driving the extra distance "gentlemanly", "thoughtful", "duty" or just a sign of "HFM" ?
It all depends on how you look at it, on how you wrap the package.
I have found that whenever I can frame something in a way that best nudges me toward ways I want to be, things go better.
So, my vote is for separating as little as possible.
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