Our Sex Life
Honestly, I don't know what's normal. My wife's best friend will occasionally give her husband a blow job and as I posted she was in the bathroom and yelled, "I'm naked." Her husband came running to have sex. She told my wife that giving her husband some without being asked made her feel like a better wife, gained her huge "points" because she initiated it. It was one more thing off her checklist. Hey, if it works for them.
We don't have alot of intercourse, about once per month. It is preplanned. We have a date night, have quite a bit of wine then fuck. We don't kiss except the hello, goodbye and goodnight. No oral sex, no breast fondling. Foreplay generally revolves around our "wife-ledness". My stroking myself.
The majority of our sex life is me mastrubating for her. I'm trying to get her to arouse me, tease me more, have me serve her more. She needs to understand that if we don't kiss, touch or screw then the service and my arousal IS OUR SEX LIFE. A healthy marriage needs its own sex life.
My wife is brilliant and literally at the very top of her field, beautiful, a spectacular mom and a great wife, even with her sexual struggles. I wonder if I've explained this well enough, done my part.
This morning she was going to leave early for work. I told her that if she gave me a few minutes notice, I'd warm up her car. No such luck. I doubt that she is thinking that it is sexually important to me to warm up her car. I was a bit annoyed.....at myself. What I should have said is, "Honey, I'd really like to serve you by warming up your car." And then, just warm up her car, not meet her in the garage with my pants down around my ankles and sporting a huge hard-on.
Well that's all for now.
posted by whatevershesays @ 5:57 AM
4 comments
4 Comments:
I don't understand your last paragraph, about the car warming incident. Are you saying that your wife didn't take you up on your offer BECAUSE she viewed it as sexually motivated? Because it sounds as though your offer was simple and sincere. Aren't you making the offer MORE sexual when you add the language about "serving" her?
The point is, I guess almost all of our wives would appreciate the simple offer, but would hate the over-the-top, sycophantic language of our fantasy.
With respect to sex:
I think a lot of men (myself certainly) are conflicted with the chasm between their own sex life and what they perceive to be a healthy or normal sex life. Perhaps this is because everywhere we look, on television, the movies, advertisements...everybody is always getting laid. How can once per XX days seem normal when every reference in the media suggests otherwise?
Once I talked with a therapist about some of these issues (highly recommended, by the way...). I had lamented that my wife isn't willing to share this most personal part of her with me, and I was concerned that she didn't enjoy sex. HER view was that I shouldn't worry about whether my wife enjoys sex, and instead focus on my own joy. She wasn't saying that I should be inconsiderate, but that I should trust that my wife is able and willing to take what she wants from sex, and that I shouldn't try to impose my (probably wrong) impression of what she SHOULD want on her. I think that was wise advice, but advice I have never been able to take. I still struggle that my wife's sexuality is a black box to me. It seems wrong.
Words like serve, mistress, punishment, humiliation, obey etc are all the menu in our house now. This is a self imposed ban on my part because I feel that Jane just does not respond well to these phrases. I am realising late in the day, that you can still feel dominated, controlled by your wife without such words and she is more likely to respond more positively if she is taking charge in her own way.
The more that you just do things like start the car, the more she will come to expect you to do them for her. Dont wait to be asked, just do it, and prove to her that you are always there for her, and subtlely "serving" her.
S-
I understand your confusion, it was poorly written.
My point is that:
1. I need to do a better job of telling her what's important to me. This is important in a wife-led marriage too. Like your therapist said, take care of myself.
2. And should she say yes or even better, tell me without my prompting, I shouldn't get "crazy kinky" and turn her off by "dropping my pants and showing her", well you know.
When all else fails, take charge.
I know, you would prefer your wife to do so, but there is more to life than D/S in the bedroom. Maybe she would like some deep tongue-penetrating kissing followed up by feeling and groping of her gorgeous breasts, and sort of going with what comes next. You could do worse by doing nothing, so why don't you try?
You do some things for her, she might reciprocate, assuming that she knows what you need and want.
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