No More Breaks
No more breaks. Thats what my wife said after we agreed to restart our wife led marriage. I had told her I needed some time due to her travels and family stress and quite frankly, her lack of involvment and the fact that her involvemente was going to diminish due to the aforementioned stressors.
We had a bit of a chat. She wanted to continue and so did I. It was simple really. But I told her that I NEEDED her to openly and actively acknowldge our wife led relationship. That I needed it to connect with her emotionally and yes, physically.
I'm sure there will be some ups and downs.
posted by whatevershesays @ 8:29 PM
6 comments
6 Comments:
There is no doubt that you can't do this on your own,you need your wife to acknowledge her position of power, but more importantly be willing to express it in normal everyday interaction with you. We all know that leather whips and chains are not going to happen, nor are they practicle nor realistically in everyday life. Your wife imposing herself her will on you, expecting you to tend to her needs and making you feel that she is in charge are all not unreasonable things to feel, and moreover very easy for your wife to achieve with a little bit of gudiance and imagination. If you cant tell her what it is that you need, then you have to show her by your response and your attitude towards certain situations, and show her what it is that you like about her taking control.
In my experience, the more you do certain things the more she will expect and the more she will demand. The more she feels in control, the more she will act in control.
I'm going to say that it's a little more complicated than AAT suggests. Certainly the communication part - telling her what you need makes it much easier for her to know than if she has to guess or intuit from your responses to her actions.
Maybe I don't have the stick-to-it-iveness that AAT has, but for my beloved, I can't see any relationship between what I do and her expectations and demands (or total absence of either).
As Jamie describes his situation, so would I.
After 1.5 years of my wife falling asleep every single night to my foot/leg rub, she might not even notice if I were to just skip it one night. She definitely would not say anything to me about it. Same with just about anything I do for her. There has been little to no increase in her sense of entitlement or expectation that I wish she could develop. Oh well.
I don't have any special suggestions for you fellows. I just wanted to tell you that your situations touch my heart and that I wish the best for you.
I did say in my experience, and after all, that is all I can relate to.
It does sound as though from what whatevershesays tells us about his wife, that she would, or at least could, be open to demonstrating more of her wife led status within their relationship. This is more likely to happen though with more open communication, and as long as she gets the reaction she can appreciate and enjoy in return.
I really don’t know what to say to S and Jamie, as both seem to have similar problems in engaging or getting a positive reaction from their wives. Maybe they will just have accept that there is no way that their wives will ever embrace even a small part this and that they should just give up. I never like suggesting this, as it seems almost unthinkable for me to consider the same, but despite what Jamie says about my stick-to-it-iveness, I don’t think even I would have carried on for almost a year now, unless I had not seen some change in Jane, and so many outward positive signs from her that she could embrace at least some of the aspects of a “wife led marriage”.
I'm afraid I don't have any easy answers, I only wish I could help. All I can say is that things changed for Jane and me, only after I changed my attitude towards Jane and altered my expectations to something that was more realistic and sustainable. The biggest factor however was making Jane feel that it was she that was still the centre of my attention and that my submission was not only an expression of my love and devotion to her, but that it was she that excited me, physically and mentally, sexually and in every other way, and not just how she behaved towards me.
It remains to be seen how your wife responds to this. However, I believe that you did the right thing. Now it is up to both of you to make it work, but still, it is her decision to continue or not. Good luck, my friend.
Post a Comment
<< Home