Follow-Up
Mixed. Some good but still not alot of affection. She did "touch" me last night but overall on a scale of 1-10 I'd give it a 5. She's gone for the weekend so we will see what happens next week.
But I have found some peace with the situation. This too goes up and down with my moods :) This marriage stuff takes effort.
A funny thing happened yesterday. A guy friend of mine was over and we were talking about women/man differences and marriage. He said that every happy, working marriage he has seen always has the women in charge. No shit!
posted by whatevershesays @ 7:01 AM
5 comments
5 Comments:
We find that very correct because of her intuition and instincts. Widgets
Yeah, every long running marriage ends up with the woman in charge. Happiness is only reached when you accept this fact of life. :-)
The female of the species as a general rule is just too stubborn and cunning and we males are too easily controlled when they figure out which buttons to push and which handles to grab. ;-)
I have learned that it doesn't always have to make me happy, but it does have to feel right. A vanilla marriage is work, you are adding another element that has a much different feel for your Wife.
If you are pen and honest with Her then that is all you can do. You wont be able to make Her do something without damaging the relationship. Time and communication is the combination to a WLM.
In a vanilla marriage something is missing. One or the other partner (or both) is not getting what he or she wants, otherwise it would shift to male/female or female/male D/S.
I think that a FLR works only because the partners involved get what they want. There is something magical about females only because as a male I see it that way. It could be the other way and still work.
There is no mistery here. One person must be in charge where at least two people are involved, otherwise nothing gets done. If you can arrange it for the woman to be in charge when you (a man) prefer that, it works as long as she sees it that way.
I just came across your blog and read with interest. One of the key things you repeated in your previous entry was that it was important to you that 'she is involved'. It almost doesn't matter to you what it is, so long as she's involved.
I've done a lot of writing on the subject of introducing the D/s dynamic to your relationships. You are on one of the key points women need to understand when we enter into this type of power-exchange based relationship: Some of the most basic needs men have is that his partner acknowledges his intent to serve her, accepts her position of authority, and is a ENGAGED and ACTIVE partner in the relationship.
Being an engaged and active partner can be somewhat burdensome - if you're expected to do something you don't enjoy, don't find natural to your personality, or don't have the energy to 'perform' or 'play'. Often times women feel that their partners insist (actively or passively) on certain activities to prove her involvement. If this is the case, she is more likely to treat D/s as a game; a game she may grow to resent over time. So the trick is to find things she will enjoy, will not view as to be a lot of work for her, but will pack the punch of the message that she's there, is thinking about their positions, and is actively engaged in the power exchange.
I have a chapter in my book that describes what I call 'Simple Gifts' - things that are extremely easy to do; requiring very little effort on her part - but that carry a clear message of intent and action. To a submissive man, throwing him one of these activities once in a while will assure him she has not forgotten their commitment and that all his efforts are not in vain.
These are gifts for the man, not necessarily about his submission, just capricious demonstrations of power and control...a reminder. They can be very small, very quick. The more seemingly random and capricious, the more powerful their message.
This is a long post already, but the topic is even longer...I devote a full chapter to it in my book. There is no question it is an effective technique.
Thanks for this blog...it's a fun read! I've added it to my 'read' list...I hope to contribute more as time goes on.
- Rika.
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