Tuesday, September 11, 2007

I Changed my mind

I changed my mind. I didn't ask for any attention. In the past, I've approached her, hat in hand and asked if I could release. She almost always says yes, but in a "oh, that again, do whatever you want" type of look/response. It feels like begging and I'm through with that.

In any type of marriage a partner shouldn't have to fucking beg for a little physical attention. And I'm not just talking about sexual attention either.

Now I know that only two weeks ago everything was great and lead to great sex only 10 days ago. Maybe I'm over reacting. But it went from wonderful to NOTHING. Not a slow down mind you, to nothing. No touching, no teasing, nothing. Should I have addressed her lack of attention earlier. Maybe but I didn't want her to feel like I was insatiable.

Readers of this blog will notice the frequent and common pattern of many marriages. Up, up.....down. I guess my problem is that our up is what I would consider fairly normal for most couples. A LITTLE something each week. A little tease or even a little snuggle on the couch, a little reaching out to touch you as you fall off to sleep. FUCKING SOMETHING.

Ah....I feel better now. Thanks for letting me rant.


At 2:33 PM, Blogger s said...

I can relate completely to the anger (rage?) you're feeling right now. I feel the same way, more often than I'd like.

I've approached my wife many, many times about how we might deal with our mismatched libidos, and I'm often angry that what is so very important to me just isn't to her. You're not alone.

But I always feel guilty after I lash out by begging, moping, or otherwise becoming angry with her. In the end, it seems that my only hope is to be the best, most understanding husband I can be...and try to master my frustration. On that front, I am rarely successful.

Thanks for the post...I know the feelings well.

At 3:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Does your wife actually feel loved or has this just become all about you, and what you want. Please dont take this question the wrong way, I fully appreciate how difficult it is to give so much but get little or nothing in return. In my own WLR, I am learning to expect much less, and to focus more on the little things that demonsrate that my wife is slowly growing into her role. It sounds very much to me that your wife has almost been forced into letting you wear a chastity belt, and that she probably feels she is competing with it for your affections. Having sid that, I really feel for you, and the last thing that you want right now is to be told to be patient. Marriage should be a two way thing and maybe its about time you sat your wife down, and had a real heart to heart.

At 4:51 AM, Blogger whatevershesays said...

Chastity belt? Maybe your confusing me with someone else.

Regardless, your point is valid, questioning if it is all about me. And I can understand why you think that. It's not. On aroundherfinger.com they talk alot about the unsustainability of a wife led marriage in a sexual vaccumm. There has to be something, other than pure service, in it for 99% of the husbands.

I've reflected upon this issue alot and don't think that a little tease 2-3 times per week s asking alot from my wife.

At 6:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry Whatevershesays, I think I was confusing you with someone else, but you are quite right, and it is certainly not too much to expect a little tease 2-3 times a week.

I still think that is so important that your wife feels that its not just about what you want, and that she feels loved.

You may have to accept though that some women are just not interested.

Good Luck...!!!!

At 3:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Woman's comment here:

You are absolutely right when you say that it has to be a two way street regardless of the dynamic in your relationship. I can relate to how you describe your wife as almost rolling her eyes when you ask for release. My pet and I went through this for quite some time. He would beg, manipulate, throw temper tantrums, you name it. I would forever roll my eyes. It got to the point where I didn't even want to spend the evening home alone with him. I dreaded when he told me he was working from home. To me it all seemed to revolve around sex. Even the idea of me taking control. He would say he wanted me to take control in the relationship, and I would try what I thought was right and for me it all seemed to come back to his dick.

Once I changed my thinking about Dominance and removed the sex angle we started to move forward. I stopped thinking that it was all about sex. I saw that it was a way of being for me. It was what I believed it should be. It is not about how much I enjoy him serving me. It is about how much I enjoy seeing him be true to himself. And how much I enjoy being true to myself. I do not want to compromise in a relationship. I want things my way. He loves this. The glint in his eye when he serves me makes it all worth while because I know we are being honest with ourselves.

We have our times when there is no sex. He does not have nearly as many orgasms as he used to. I can go days without touching him. We get it now though. Neither of us is struggling to find the balance. We are not fighting about the sex anymore. And pet does not crave the way he used to. What was really important to him was that I respected, accepted and cared that he served me. In the beginning he needed physical touch or kinky sex to meet that need. Now he sees that he can meet that need in day to day because I am accepting his service of me.

I think so many women struggle with this because they see it as about sex. Or about leather boots, whips, chains and being a bitch. That is not what it is.

Look for what need you are really trying to have met. I think it is safe to bet that it is an emotional one. If you can point out that emotional need to your wife, I am sure she will get it.

In the end though, it is a balance. A give and take. A dance if you will. Both have to be having their needs met. Otherwise it fails.

At 5:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Woman's comments - thank you for your comment, you are so right, and I have never seen it written or explained so well. I shall certainly think very carefully about what you have said, and adjust my own view of my own relationship with my wife.

Whatevershesays - sorry for hijacking your blog comments, but I couldn't resist thanking such a good and well balanced view of what is involved in this lifestyle.

At 8:28 AM, Blogger whatevershesays said...

Hijack away they are all good comments that everyone can benefit from.

At 10:41 AM, Blogger darylglen said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 11:00 AM, Blogger darylglen said...

I just wanted to say that I appreciate your blog. So many times I have found myself in similar situations as yourself.
I always root for men like us in our situations, and have found that most men in a WLM are very similar in personality.
Wouldn't it be fun to have an annual get together of all the husbands in a WLM? We could all just hang out and councel each other, and inspire and motivate each other to continue doing what we're doing. You know, some quality "guy time" with like minded individuals.
What would be better is to have all of our wives get together annually to share ideas with each other, and to share themselves with each other.......I'm sorry. Did I just say (type) that out loud?
Forgive me.
I don't know what came over me.

Great blog, by the way. I'm a huge fan.

At 2:31 PM, Blogger helpmate hubby said...

All i can say is i soooo feel your pain. Just try and hang in there, and the next time it gets good go way overboard in how you treat her. That in turn might produce more good times for you. Best wishes!

At 1:04 PM, Blogger Kathy said...

Did you bring her flowers? Miss Kathy

At 6:59 AM, Blogger whatevershesays said...

Yes, Kathy I did bring her flowers and a card. In the card was a cutout of a broadway musical that she wanted to see with a note to keep that day open, tickets purchased.

Little to no recognition.

At 10:33 AM, Blogger Kathy said...

Just tell her that you love her, and give her time. Don't pressure her. Miss Kathy

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