whatevershesays

Postings: Panties, Libido, What's Good?

2011-04-04T07:34:00.000-07:00

It's interesting to me how I think I am going to post about one thing then something else pops up that replaces my thoughts.

For example:

My wife had a $10 off coupon for anything at Victoria's Secret. She found some panties to match her bras. Now, I love shopping in VS and carrying around her choices. But saturday was special. At one point she just said, "Which ones do you think would look best on you?" Or something to that affect. There was a shock and the world started spinning. I replied, "Of course I'll wear whatever you want." And there is no doubt in my mind that the woman right behind us heard our conversation. I damn near orgasmed in my pants.

But this isn't about Panties.

On the blog, Hersforever, there is a great post about tease and deny versus ignore and deny. And how a woman, who isn't naturally dominant, might, because of her love for you, tease and deny you but it won't be part of her daily thoughts. But because it is part of the man's thoughts, he sees the lack of teasing as "ignoring and denying." I wonder if this has to do with her libido. If she was horny, either the guy would get teased and denied often or they's have more sex (perhaps not necesssarily wife led type of sex) but he'd get laid and not care if it was wife led or not. (I'll conceded that there are certain guys who are truly submissive but I believe most use it as way to fill a void in their sex life.) So I ask: How much does her libido play a role in "inablity" to be an active partner in a wife led marriage?

But this isn't about libido.

"What's good? I need some positive feedback." Oh shit. I had just tried to explain, apparently not well, that my previous nights comments about lack of kissing was in no way a compliant about our "less normal" sexual activities. (Last night I was allowed to hump her stocking covered leg. I find if very arousing to be naked, her dressed and me asking then humping her leg.)

But my poor communication led her to hear "not enough kissing" and she was upset. Sex doesn't come easy to her, wife led or otherwise.

Let us all not forget that kind words and positive feedback are important in all our relationships.

What's Good?

Communication...........

2011-03-22T08:05:00.000-07:00

I had a very interesting encounter this morning with my wife. I did a bit of wanking and asked not to orgasm.

She said she was confused. She commented that "if I get frustrated and an orgasm releases that frustration isn't that good?"

"I replied that it's just as good if not better when you get me aroused and I'm not allowed to orgasm."

"But sometimes you get so angry because you are frustrated."

"That's true but ONLY when you ignore me. Arousal/denial/frustration when you are actively involved is totally different than if you just ignore me."

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!

I can't count the number of times I've told her that I just need her to be involved in our sex life and that teasing/arousal can be fun and potentially easier than having intercourse, etc (she doesn't have a libido.)

Over on the blog ATALLTIMES, there is a recent post about a commenter saying that he (AAT) should stop pestering his wife with emails/texts, etc to deny him. That "once" (telling your wife your needs) is enough. Ha! I couldn't disagree more.

Now, my wife may or may not understand. If she can find the fun and the ability to activate the sexual part of her brain is a totally different, and quite sad, issue.

Happiness is......

2011-01-31T07:05:00.000-08:00

Trying to explain to your wife that you should be denied an orgasm.

It's not easy. And it had nothing to do with the fact that I was on my knees, stroking.

I told her the truth, that my lust for her goes down after an orgasm, that I'm not as attentive to her needs and I'm not as happy. I'd rather her make me wait. Of course, how long.....well that's a difficult question.

The fact of the matter is that she lets me orgasm way to much. I'm not sure if it is because she thinks I want it or if I then stop pestering her sexually for a few days. You can bet I'm going to ask about the latter. I'll let you know.

Oh, and has this happened to you? After after our discussion, all the while I was stroking and getting fairly close, extremely hard (yea, there are scales of hardness) I finally...deflated....and then felt something cold down there. I guess I must have been closer than I thought because a small about of precum (you know, the stuff that comes out before it cums out that gets girls pregnant because you thought you had pulled out) had leaked onto my boxers and made a very tiny wet spot. Kinda like if you didn't shake it enough after peeing.

It was a nice reminder of what had just occurred.

Motivation

2010-12-31T16:19:00.001-08:00

I have none.....after I orgasm....LOL

Slow but Steady

2010-10-16T11:09:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry I haven't posted in while. Fortunately, it's not because we left the WLM lifestyle but more because there hasn't really been much to post about.

I've started a full time 50+ hours per week job. This has neccessitated my wife doing more around the house. A hard cold dose of reality.

With my wife's low libido and recent travels, sex, well intercourse, has been non-existent. And as she loses interest more and more, I find it quite difficult to push the issue knowing I'll get rejected.

However, I still serve her coffee on bended knee each morning and she has made me arouse myself on a few occasions. While most result in my orgasm, some don't and thats fun.

I don't know what constitutes a "normal" sex life. I do believe we are at the "fringe."

But we are relatively happy and making it work, so for now, it's OK.

Busy, Busy

2010-09-01T07:05:00.000-07:00

Nothing going on.

Still Here

2010-08-17T07:00:00.000-07:00

Not much going from the WLM front. Anything sexual has been very, very slow. All last week our middle child was getting up early with us for lacrosse practice. And the morning time is when we do sexual things so.....nada.

As others have written, school starts soon and I hope we get back into a routine.

You Say Tomato, I say Tomato

2010-08-09T05:55:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it's just in how you look at things. And this was never more completely illustrated than this past Saturday morning.

We had plans for our family to join friends at a lake. We needed to have our picnic packed, towels and suits in a gym bag and beach chairs in the van by 9:15 am.

As I groggily staggered into the kitchen desperate for morning coffee, my wife was in her workout attire and heading out the door. She told me she was going for a walk/run and then would come home and shower.

I knew right then that she didn't have enough time to exercise and help pack for our lake trip.

Off she went. And I happily made lunches for our family, doing everything needed for a fun trip.

Eventually she got back and realized her shower would have to be quick if we were to be ontime.

That night we were discussing WLM stuff and I told her that I was quite happy that she had time for exercise because I did all the other stuff. To me this was a fun mini wife led "moment" except that she didn't say, "Will you please do everything, I am going to exercies."

Last week she told me that her cafeteria was closed this week and to expect that I'll need to bring her lunch on short notice. God I hope so!

Input

2010-07-28T08:25:00.000-07:00

This morning I asked my wife if I could "think" about her. As some of you remember this is our fun code word for me to masturbate though not necessarily orgasm. She asked me if she should do anything. Intially I said no.

We wandered from the living room into the bedroom and master bathroom where I happily got down on my knees and started. Plenty aroused a few minutes later, I stopped, thanked her, and began to pick up laundry and we talked a bit about kids, etc.

Then I told her that I do need her input. I don't know when I should stop. I mean, I ask her if I can start but when to end is unclear. She asked me if I meant "orgasm." I told her that was her choice but not what I meant. I said I would really appreciate it if she would decide when I should stop.

Knowing that she prefers ideas I said, "Should it be a 30 second quickie? Or 5 minutes? To the point of precum? Or should it go for 1/2 an hour? Or until you leave the house for work?" (Of course other ideas came to mind later like thinking of her until she calls from the car).

I told her I thought it would be fun to not know and be suprised. Only time will tell if she adopts this part of the decision.

Unplanned Denial

2010-07-26T06:45:00.000-07:00

As of last Wednesday it had been a while since I last orgasmed, and when I had, it was nothing great, quite boring really. I was getting a bit horny.

My oldest child is looking at colleges. With other kids and a wife who can't take time of without notice, finding time to go see them is very difficult. And then we noticed on Wednesday morning that if we drove that night we could visit some on Friday and use the weekend to return. Perfect.

The plan was to leave when my son got home from work but a late afternoon thunderstorm closed the pool he works at. Great, we could leave early and not have to drive until 1 am.

The downside is that I would get to see my wife before leaving. Now I'd have to wait until I returned from the trip.

I think that denial is a fun and important part of a wife led marriage. And when she's denying me and involved, great. But an unplanned denial can really test you!! LOL.

Resetting and Getting Back in the Moood

2010-07-20T05:51:00.000-07:00

As a quick refresher, we are in a wife led marriage for a couple of reasons but the primarily to help us have more sexuality/sexual fun in our marriage. It give us structure to deal with her low libido. And yes, I enjoy it.

I won't go into details but I was allowed an orgasm on sunday morning. I masturbated for her and she just sat there. In all fairness, I asked if I could. It was boring and not fun.

I actually regretted it. How often does a guy orgasm then wish he didn't?.....LOL

But what happened next is more important. I told her I wish I hadn't. I then told her that I'd like to have 5 minutes of "sexuality" on monday to get back into the mood of her being the boss. A "reset" if you will of getting back into a wife led marriage. I explained to her that after I orgasm, I lose interest. Sorta like a guy going to sleep soon after the act.

So as she lay in bed last night she asked me if I wanted the "5 minutes." In the past I would have said no and become angry at her asking. I hate the asking since in my head, a wife in a wife led marriage should "tell me."

But insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results so I said yes. She then asked me what I would like to do. I told her. Suffice to say that it I was naked and masturbating, telling her that I liked her authority and being submissive to her. I was on edge in no time and thankfully she noticed my "situation" and told me to stop before I orgasmed. Start to finish in less than 5 minutes.

And now I'm back in the mood but more importantly I am hoping she gets a better understanding of what will help us both.

Happened to you part 2

2010-07-15T09:37:00.000-07:00

Lady Grey asked what, if any, suggestions I gave my wife. I didn't at the time. I was trying to keep it light hearted, no pressure and go and take care of the kids and dinner. It was an attempt to infuse some fun sexuality into our marriage that didn't require alot of time or effort. And for the most part, it worked just fine.

Here is what I emailed her this morning:

The other day you when I met you in the bedroom you and I struggled on the "what's next, how to end it" type of issue.

From a sexual standpoint (as opposed to an emotional connection): Before I get to that I think it's important for you to know what turns me on so maybe that will help you. Serving you turns me on. Me being naked and you dressed turns me on. You touching me turns me on. You having me touch you turns me on. You actively teasing me then denying my orgasm turns me on.

Since you asked for suggestions and with the above in mind you could have/I could have asked for:
--kiss the back or inside of my knee. that's enough, lets go cook dinner.
--stroke me and then let's go cook dinner.
--make precum. Stop. let's go cook dinner.
--unbutton my blouse. Stop. Lets go cook dinner.
--remove my skirt. Stop. Let's go cook dinner.
--Thank you. That's a fun way to be greeted. Let's go cook dinner.
--stay naked while I change. Let's go cook dinner

I'm sure there are tons of other things and we are going out tonight. I'll let you know what she says.

Has This Happened With You?

2010-07-14T06:58:00.000-07:00

My wife has told me on numerous occasions that she is the boss. She has told me that we are and always will be in a wife led marriage. We both acknowledged it.

But she struggles with the sexual aspect. Of being "dominant."

Yesterday I texted her "Warning. Horny husband at home. wants to be naked and help remove your shoes." A few playful texts later that's where I was. Waiting in our bedroom, naked.

She came home and held out her foot and I gladly removed her heels.

Now what?

She told me she didn't know what to do next. I told her she didn't need to do anything. I got dressed and we made dinner together.

Later she asked me for suggestions on what she should have done differently.

Are their any other couples out there where the wife is asking her husband for "ideas?"

Holding Back

2010-07-13T07:30:00.000-07:00

So there I was. At an outdoor concert, sitting on the grass with my wife and a friend/co worker of hers. A very, very cute 24ish y.o. and she brought an equally cute girl friend.

Early in the day, my wife and I walked into town and picked up some food for the concert. Fruit, sandwiches, veggies and dip, salsa and chips. And of course, wine.

It took all my will power to act..oh no, here we go with the word police..."normal". What did I want to do, serve all 3 women. And I did to some extent. Pouring wine, serving out food on the plates, etc. But this seemed more the "good husband, nice guy, good host" type of thing.

I even draped my jacket over my wife's friend shoulers when the sun went down.

I suppose giving all three of them foot rubs would have been a bit too much!! LOL

That was fun......

2010-07-04T15:46:00.000-07:00

This afternoon we drove up to the outlets. We had to return headphones and my wife had a coupon for Coach. Yikes, the very high end purse/bag store.

It didn't take long to replace the headphones. Love Bose. They honored the purchase, no questions asked.

While at Coach, she went back and forth between two bags. As there was only one left of a certain type I had to hold onto it, and all the paper stuffed inside. Now, if this was some fantasy blog, I'd say how she got me all aroused while telling the hot sales girl that she's the boss.

More and more I've noticed that the blogs that survive for years eventually get away from the kinky sex stuff. Sure that's fun to write about and hope for but in the end a wife led marriage is about a guy trying to make his wife's life better, make her happy with the benefit that it gets him aroused.

God Told Me

2010-06-27T16:31:00.000-07:00

OK,not really.

There are some women (and their husbands) that say the Bible tells them that the wives should be subservient to the husbands.

What frustrates the hell out of me is that if we were in a "husband led marriage" and my wife told her girlfriends that it was this way because of the Bible, no one would question her. It wouldn't be embarassing.

But if we men and their wives come out of the closet and say that our marriage is centered around/focused on the needs, wants and happiness of the wife first (not exclusively)....well, that's a whole other story.

I will concede that part of it is my baggage, but not all of it. Is it the kinky sex factor. The image of a leather clad dom?

I'm not sure but there is a difference.

Perhaps we are just to scared to question someone when they bring faith into the equation.

Final Say

2010-06-20T15:24:00.000-07:00

Though it's officially next week, we celebrated our 4th anniversary of being wife led. Well, actually, it's more like when we acknowledged it. As stated here frequently, we've been wife led since the beginning.

She asked me how, in one sentence only, I would define wife led. I came up with a few. It's not easy.

Here is what she said, "Our wife led marriage is one where I consider my needs and yours, get your input and when we don't agree, I have the final say."

Pretty much.....instant hard on....LOL

A Sober Conversation

2010-06-18T12:11:00.001-07:00

Lot's of fun, kinky talk occurs with a bit of alchohol in our systems. Drunk, horney and humping is no time to talk. Lord knows who remembers what and there's always something in there about wanting to watch the wife with two midgets, her girlfrined and farm tools. (Ok, that may be an exageration)

Stone cold sober my wife talked with me today. She brought up if I think we are wife led and if not, alot of my actions are confusing.

I told her that I love a WLM and think it's fun and brings us closer together, etc. That even just talking about it got me aroused. I was quite honest. I ended with a "however". However, if due to her lack of a sexual brain she can't incorporate a wife led marriage into our daily life and would rather keep it a fun once per month sex game then fine.

I asked her what she thought. She said we were definately in a WLM even though I was trying to pull away. She said this is who we are and who you are.

She said that even though she doesn't get sexaul satisfaction from it (WLM) she likes it because it adds a sexual component to our marriage. She wants to continue our wife led marriage and asked that I tell her more of what I want and not to let nothing occur for too long. I appreciate her honesty.

We will see how things go.

How To Leave A Husband

2010-06-14T15:03:00.000-07:00

A few days prior to my wife leaving for a girls getaway weekend in AZ, I just came out and told her how much fun (and appropriate) it would be to get me aroused in the garage and leave me that way as she drove off for fun in the sun.

And that's exactly what happened. I suppose my asking/suggesting (praying:P) for her to do that may not be the perfect wife led moment but with all the troubles we've had, it was OK with me.

Honestly, I thought she'd forgotton about it. She raised the garage door so we could access the hatchback for her suitcase. It was then I thought, "She must have forgotten, there is no way she'll have me masturbate with the door open." Risk is one thing, jail time another.

Then she closed the door.

I hesitated. It was awkward and I told her so. She asked me to start "thinking" about her. That's our not so secret code word to masturbate.

In short order I was on my knees telling her I hope she has a good time with her girlfriend in AZ (no, neither are bisexual...sorry). Then she asked me what I wanted. Again, not the perfect wife led moment but if it makes her feel more comfortable then maybe it is.

I told her I wanted to get very, very hard, very aroused, to drip precum and then wait. I wanted her to watch me drip, aching and throbbing as she backed out of the driveway. I told her I wanted her to know I'd think of her each night before I went to sleep, making myself crazy with lust for her. And that's what happened. I stroked, I ached, dripping precum and she drove off.

Later we exchanged emails. Here is what I wrote:

"
I hope you had a good time today. And know that I'll think of you a bit before I go to bed, reminding myself that I was hard, dripping and sticky as you drove off to your girlfriend getaway.

And that was fantastic and exactly how I envision a perfect marriage. the wife arousing the husband alot, restricting his orgasms and there by ensuring that he'll be thinking of her....ALOT:)"

She responded to keep thinking of her. She gets home tomorrow. Can't wait.

Confused? Me too......

An Interesting Week

2010-06-09T21:16:00.000-07:00

But not how I'd hope nor you'd like to hear about.

Two weekends ago (12 days), we had sex. Yup. Intercourse. First intercourse since our trip to AZ the first week in April. Roughly 8 weeks. And despite a few times I masturbated while she watched, it was the only sexual interaction too.

And prior to said screwing we talked about if we should reinstate our wife led marriage. It's a long story. Same old stuff really. You don't want to read about it and sure don't want to write it out again.

Here's the interesting part. Over the last 12 days, I am caring less and less about sex. This has been going on now for a while. Age? Perhaps, but more likely due to very little physical interaction with my wife.

It's like I want to just say, "Whatever."

What I'm most proud of is that I can't control her or her actions. I can only control how I react to her. I can only control myself and I'm doing a good job of not getting angry. I think the word is, "Acceptance."

2010-05-24T07:11:00.000-07:00

Subservient Husband wrote: ...."that you are looking at a WLM D/s dynamic as a way of manipulating increased sexual activity in your marriage. W/o a bio chemical reaction from your wife's authority, (i.e. intrinsic submissive traits), I fear it best you seek help from either a marriage counselor or sexual therapist."

Yes I am and have been using a wife led marriage to facilitate more sexual activity in our marriage. But we have spoken openly about this very issue. It was our hope that by having her control our sexuality then she could dictate what she wanted and find multiple and generally easier (teasing versus intercourse) ways of having a more (some) sexuality in our marriage. It would make her feel like a better wife by satisfying her husband. To put it another way, I'd get some sexual satisfaction and she'd get what she wants, the emotional satisfaction (she doesn't want/need the physical) of being a "good wife" and satisfying her husband.

Our WLM didn't work out because her low libido prevents her from thinking in a "sexual way" (her words) and she doesn't tease me or infuse our marriage with sexuality so I am left with spending alot of time and effort pleasing her (non sexually of course) and getting very little in return. While I am her husband and partners do things for each other, even in a wife led marriage, there are limits.

Will we return? Many of you think so. It wouldn't suprise me. The longer we flounder the more I want to go back to a WLM. But only if she can be more involved.

I do appreciate SH comment and the comments of others. I find them interesting and insightful. Thanks.

Rudderless

2010-05-19T05:22:00.001-07:00

Wow, this is very weird and a bit difficult. Now that we are no longer officially in a wife led marriage, we are having a tough time interacting. Sex is non existent, she'd doing more around the house and I'm feeling guilty about it.

I'd go back but the problem is that there wasn't much of a sexual component from her. Without the sexual side, I just can't serve her without anything in return. And I'll concede that a fair amount of it is my baggage. I can't seperate out the sexual aspect of serving her coffee on one knee each morning from the pure service of it.

Vanilla may be plain but it aint' easy:)

Almost....

2010-05-09T21:42:00.000-07:00

It's amazing what a guy will agree to just prior to orgasm.

Thing have been quit awkward lately with the ending of our wife led marriage. I don't know how much I'll blog but I feel it's important to the many marriages out there that we all discuss the ups and downs and now our transition into a more vanilla relationship.

As I think I blogged about, I expect that any wife led fun mayb be strictly a sexual, bedroom game. Nothing wrong with that but not what I really want.

This morning we were having a cup of coffee on our back deck. I was just in my underwear, she had been up for a while and was already dressed. As we had our coffee she playfully reached into my button down calvin klien boxers and pulled me out. From there she placed her feet in my lap and got me going. It wasn't long before I was on edge.

And then it got interesting.

She said, "I think you should still say "whatever". As in whatever she says...as in keep the wife led thing going. Like most guys, I'd go off a cliff if a woman was stroking me and asked nicely.

And I almost said yes. But I knew better. She say let's continue, and then I'd have all these expectations of teasing, denial and increased sexuality in our marriage only to be disappointed.

So I said, "I don't think so right now."

How's that for some self control!! LOL

I did orgasm. That was nice. Other than her feet, she never touched me and of course, I never touched her. But it was good and the first sexual contact we've had since our big talk.

A Big Change

2010-05-07T06:31:00.000-07:00

Sadly, not for the best.

A wife led style of marriage is not sustainable for us. We've tried. But her low/non-existant libido's impact is just too great. She has repeatedly told me she doesn't need/want sex and as she gets older, she doesn't expect her sex drive to get any better.

On a positive note, I'm not mad. I can't control her reaction, only mine. It's who she is and to expect her to change is unrealistic. This struggle has been going on for 15 years. It was my hope that the teasing/arousing/denial aspect of a wife led marriage would help her and us to have some fun non pressured sexuality in our marriage without full blown intercourse.

I am concerned about sexaul interaction going forward. While the wife led didn't work, while we were attempting it, it provided a structure...a foundation....to base our sexual interaction. That's gone now and it's very awkward. But I'm confident we will figure it out.

I'm sure that there will be wife led fun in the bedroom on the rare occassions that she has enough wine. When this happens, I'll tell you all about it.

Until then, I'd like to thank the many commenters over the past few years. At All Times has been particularly supportive and his, and all the comments, does not go unnoticed or unappreciated.

All the best.

Dr. Laura Part II

2010-04-24T22:19:00.000-07:00

It seems from the blog and outside convesations that Dr. Laura was.....gasp.....right. That a woman doesn't need to be horny to "make love to" her husband.

I agree too. We all do things for the people we love that we don't want to do.

Here's a follow up question:

Guys could you truly enjoy the sexual relationship with your wife if she only did it for you and didn't get any sexual enjoyment herself? Not just once in while but almost all the time?

Dr. Laura and your thoughts

2010-04-20T15:50:00.000-07:00

Holy Shit Batman, I'm going to discuss something I heard on Dr. Laura. The very conservative talk show host that tells women they should do more to please their men.

Disclaimer: It was one of the few radio stations I could get and didn't know it was her right away.

I caught the very last part. From what I can tell, a woman called in with a a low libido and didn't want to have sex with her husband. Dr. Laura said if you don't, then he won't want to live in a desert and might turn to porn and hookers. I thought this was an exageration.

But this is what I found interesting: Dr. Laura said you don't need to be horny to make love (she stressed make love) to your husband. It was about connection and loving, not just making you feel good (aka orgasms?)

Wow, did I want in on that coversation. I hate agreeing with her, but she is right to a degree. We all put too much connection on the sex and not enough on the love making....or the making of love.

Thoguhts anyone?

I Wish, I Wish

2010-04-16T21:49:00.001-07:00

I wish there was something to report. Nothing. Then again, nothing bad either. Well, nothing overly negative anyway.

After last weeks vacation, she hasn't been to playful. A comment here or there but nothing. I'm just trying not to pressure her. It's tough though. I fear that my not pressuring her will lead further down the road of nothing sexual due to her lack of libido.

I seem to be getting less angry and frustrated. I don't know if it is because I'm maturing or what. Whatever the reason, I'm happier even though I don't get any more sex. I also fear if she perceives this as a lack of desire for her?

Weekend Getaway Recap

2010-04-07T13:29:00.000-07:00

Finally, after 10 yeas we got to spend more than one night away from the kids.

Scottsdale was warm and sunny for all four days. Perfect!

We arrived early and our room wasn't ready so we worked out then changed into our bathing suits and enjoyed the pool and sun. It's difficult to describe but there weren't any very obvious moments of wifeledness. There were a few, "You can get me this" or "You'll do that when I say" and I'm sure that some overheard parts but nothing outward. I did kneel when presenting her coffee. Loving that neither of us gave a damn what others thought.

That night got a bit wild. Dinner and drinks out then this hotel had a wonderful patio area with fire pits. We drank alot there, so much so that her bra and panties made it into my pocket without her going to the ladies room. Who know who saw what? Afterwards we went to the hottub where we got in, notice one other very young couple who were kissing. She then took off her top, and climbed on top of me and started fuckin me. HOLY SHIT, right infront of the other couple. And she didn't stop bobbing up and down when the left. After I came, she got up, still topless and went to the other pool. It wasn't long before we heard others and eventually they walked by her. She got up and brought me back to our room where, over looking the valet, STOOD on a chair and placed herself in my mouth. After alot of that, back to the bed and screwed again.

What a first night.

The second day we hiked Squaw Peak in sneakers. Huge mistake. Jagged rocks all over and was glad to survive without a broken ankle. Great meals out and then to bed whiile watching a funny pay per view.

Third day I got to play golf. I love resort courses. They are exspensive but I like the way they suck up to you. Afterwards I met her at the pool where I was sent for coffee (with standard bent knee presentation), and 5 trips back to the room to fetch her drinks. This didn't go unnoticed by the people next to us. Fun application of lotion was a daily highlight. Well that and her making me go back to the concierege and cancel wine tasting by saying, "My wife told me to come back here and tell you to cancel our wine tasting because I have to take her shopping."

That night, dinner out, drinks and back to the room where I chose an adult movie, "Screw my wife." Absolutely terrible quality but was naked and applying lotion to her feet and legs while telling her that every wife should be able to screw anyone she wants. Quite extreme for us and she'll never do it but fun to fantasize. Night ended with me on my knees and releasing onto her feet.

The next morning we went together to a local Dunkin Donuts where I presented her coffee to her on bended knee. Fun.

All in all a great weekend. She did tell me again that it's tough for her because her low libido limits her thinking sexually and there for how often and when to tease me. She'd like more input from me but that's tough because then I feel that I am "topping from the bottom" and if it is always driven by me then it's not very sexaully stimulating for me.

Got to go, she just paged me.

Away We Go

2010-04-02T07:31:00.000-07:00

Finally, after 10 years we will be going away for more than just one night, by ourselves.

I"ve been working overtime at home with getting the house ready to leave, getting the kids set up, laundry. There's always more to do than you think, such as printing out directions, car rental, mall location and directions for her shopping, restaurant ideas and even the closest Dunkin Donuts for her previously demanded poolside coffee service.

She told me this morning that I will be exercising alot and most of our calories will come from wine and poolside alchohol. Fine with me! The more relaxed she is....

I'll update you all next week. Untill then, I will happily pat myself on the back as we are celebrating 20 years of marriage!

Not Getting Upset

2010-03-24T07:02:00.000-07:00

Alls quiet. Nothing going on from a sexual standpoint or even wife led for that matter.

A couple of mornings this week I didn't get up and serve her coffee. She doesn't seem to care and if she doesn't, then I really don't either. Her lack of participation is not unusual but I still find it unsettling since it is the only real sexuality in our marriage. Oh well, the ebbs and flows. I'm getting better at not being upset and just accepting.

I'm off with a kid to a tournament this weekend then the following week we go to Arizona to celebrate out anniversary without kids. No kids for more than one night in....10 years.

Need Some Help/Ideas

2010-03-17T08:34:00.001-07:00

Dear faithful readers or anyone just stopping by....

I go away in 17 days with my wife to celebrate our anniversary. She is trying to think up some fun type of countdown game.

In the past, I've had to send her daily emails with "things to do" or things that I'll do for her.

Yes, she's already mentioned that I'll not be orgasming until then.

Anyone have any good ideas?

The Strangest Thing Happened

2010-03-16T13:42:00.000-07:00

My wife is an extremely busy proffessional. Consequently, she doesnt' have alot of friends so about every year I try and get her to spend the weekend away with her close girlfriend (no, not like that).

Of course I do all the planning and while I don't deny that I can fantasize about me being her executive assistant, her ordering me to do the research, etc etc. it just isn't like that. I do it because she won't do something nice for herself. It's just a loving husband type of thing.

But yesterday I was just lounging around and started to think of places she could go annd things she could do. I looked into three different locations/themes (resort spa versus big city theater and night life), flights from our city and from her friend's. Just happily browsing the net.

And then the strangest thing happened. I started to get an erection. I wasns't 1/2 naked, I wasn't fantasing about anything, I just felt this deep love and devotion washing over me. And it wasn't a small one either. I got very, very hard. One small stroke and I nearly orgasmed. So since she wasn't here, I stopped:)

I never had that happen, except in 8th grade but when you are 13 and the wind blows....

I haven't told my wife yet but I plan to tonight. I'm curious to see if she understands.

Ya da Ya da Ya da.......

2010-03-15T05:54:00.000-07:00

The wife came home late yesterday afternoon from her business trip. It was the 2nd in 3 weeks. Fortunately, she doesn't travel again until September.

At some point she wanted some coffee and I happily obliged. As you all know, we have a ritual of coffee service. I get down on one knee and say, "With this coffee I love, honor, worship and obey you." I know for some that this seems WAY over the top but it's always done with a smirk between us. More fun than pure dominance/submission.

With kids running around and general chaos I quickly dropped to one knee and said, "With this coffee, ya da, ya da, ya da." Handing her her coffee I stood up.

Looking me directly in the eyes......"No. You don't get to say, Ya da, Ya da, Ya da." Try again.

And so I did.

Glad she's home.

Closing Ceremony: No Thanks

2010-03-05T07:06:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my wife had me go down to the mall with the free coupon for a Victoria's Secret panty. Now being sent to VS by my wife to pick out a panty for her is fantastic. First it shows she's the boss. Second, I get to pick out what her panties look like (though they must be comfortable and cotton. She also said that they must be in Spring colors.) Third, not knowing which panties fell under the coupon I had to ask the sales girl. And while I didn't say, "Hi, my wife told me to go come here and pick out panties for her. With any luck I'll pick out a pair that will please her so much that she'll have me kneeling bedside and pleasing her orally..." Well, you get the picture:) The sales girl did have quite a smile on her face so who knows what she was thinking.

I also had to go and pick up the ring that has "Whatever" on the inside. And I might say, proudly carrying a VERY small bag from VS through the mall and to the jewler.

With all that done, I was in a great mood and thanked my wife a few times for sending me on the panty run. She also thanked me for taking our kid to his music lesson so she could get on the treadmill. I tried to explain that it pleases me to drive him SO she can work out. That I like to server her.

This morning I spooned her a bit and then pulled away when I felt my erection growing. I didn't want her to feel pressured. I did feel that her feet needed more pumicing and I asked her if I could do that. She said after the shower when they are softer.

30 minutes later saw me in my pajamas serving her coffee and pumicing her feet in the LR while she watched the news. (I'll leave the fantasy of who saw me to a different post). When finished I just got up and watched some TV with her.

"What, that's it? No closing ceremonies?" (That's her way of expecting me to masturbate in front of her)

"No. I just wanted to do that for you. It's my way of thanking you for sending me to get the panties."

Nothing more was said or done. I will either send her and email or tell her later that while I definately did recieve some sexual gratification for pumicing her feet, not everything I do is all about sex and or more specifically, my orgasm. I just want to do some nice things for her. It's facinating to me but I'm not sure she understands that yet.

All in all, a great two days!

Her Control is Her Control

2010-03-01T15:52:00.000-08:00

What a great way to wake up. As I came out of my deep slumber Sunday morning, I felt my wife's foot in my crotch. She carefully manipulated me until I was good and aroused at which point I couldn't help myself and frantically started to hump her foot and leg. That's about the time she decided she needed her coffee.

Now most guys would be angry if the wife got him all aroused only to stop. But not us guys in wife led marriages. Nope. I happily bounced out of bed and brought her some coffee all the while sporting some serious wood. Well, honestly, by the time I brought her coffee back I was, shall we say, at 1/2 mast....hey, the house was cold.

With our impending trip to Az and warmth and pools and bathing suits and sundresses and open toed shoes, she needed some foot care. Again, in a great mood, I pumiced her feet smooth while kneeling, naked of course, next to her. Life was damn good!

At the end, she had me masturbate. I told her it wasn't necessary but she insisted.

I would rather her have just kept me aroused then send me on my merry away. But her control is her control.

The Ring, Part II

2010-02-23T05:56:00.000-08:00

We did go and get the "free" (hardly if you knew the price of her ring). And as luck would have it, they didn't have it in my size so I'll pick up the ordered one later this week.

The choosing was fairly one sided but in all honesty, I did have a a say and we more or less agreed on the same ring.

Now for the etching, on the inside.

We discussed many choice on the way down. Most with wife led themes, others more convential, like with our anniversary date. The funniest was what the jewler said he read one time about what a wife put on the inside of her husbands wedding band...."Put it back on." That's funny.

When it came time to ours, my looked at me and then told him to etch "Whatever" on the inside. It was fun and appropriate.

I'll let you all know if there is any type of "ceremony" when I put it on later this week.

A Ring for Me

2010-02-18T07:00:00.000-08:00

Last week we celebrated our 20th anniversary and we bought her a ring. The jewler had a "special" going on and offered me a free titanium ring. I'm guessing they don't cost much.

Saturday is date night. She's told me that I am going to be the designated drive adn we will be getting that ring. Furthermore, we will engrave it. We, Ok, she, hasn't decided exactly what will be on the inside but here are some of her thoughts:

Wrapped
With Strings
Shes the Boss
and our favorite: Whatever.

Whatever has a fun meaning. Of course, Whatever, as in whatever she says. But I also have a coffee mug that says "Whatever" on it.

This could be fun.

Why Struggle?

2010-02-07T11:51:00.001-08:00

From the title I'm guessing you expect a post about why I continue to try and implement a wife-led marriage.

Quite the opposite.

Before and after my last post, I decided to back off a bit. It seemed like I was pushing for something she didn't want. Of course she noticed and we talked about it. I told her I was going to dial it back and perhaps a wife led marriage isn't what will work for us.

Boy was I wrong.

Out on a date last night, we went to the mall. Of course, wife led or not, I carried the bags and held open doors. No big deal. But along the way, we stopped at Victoria's Secret to use a free panty coupon. Of course, I carried that bag too. It was damn small and was obviously only containing a panty.

At point during the night she said, " I don't know why you think we aren't in a wife led marriage. You know I'm the boss." Well, that pressed a button! She continued, "You think we aren't in a wife led marriage because I don't control your orgasms." "Well, I don't care if you wack off once in a while. I just want to control most of them. You shouldn't define our wife led marriage by something you read on the internet. It doesn't work that way."

And there you have it. No matter what us guys think, the wife defines what your wife led marriage will look like. And as long as she actively defines it.....well, that's just great.

During our mall trip, we purchased a ring for her to celebrate our 20 years of marriage. She told me that I could pick it up and present it to her at her job, regardless of how many people will be there.

What? It's not just about me?

2010-02-02T15:55:00.001-08:00

Crap!

You mean it isn't about me getting my rocks off (or almost:)

Crap!

I again find myself doing alot of things for me, hoping she'll join in.

So I'm going to just chill out.

It will work or it won't.

Can't force these things.

Everything is actually OK. Still no phyical affection, sexaul or otherwise. Nothing I can do about that. I can only control my reaction.

So I will wait. I will stop trying to force it.

But here's the question: "How long would you wait for physical affection in your marriage?" (Yes, kids are involved). I will wait. Would you?

Did He Say "Ours" and she said, "Mine?"

2010-01-16T22:23:00.000-08:00

I try not impose our marriage style on others. It's not that I really care that someone would know that we are in a wife led marriage. I just don't want them to feel uncomfortable. And I find that when my wife is around with others present I try to dial it down a bit.

Today we had quite a few people over for dinner. Pizza for my son's basketball team.

Two things happened that were pretty interesting. The first was when one of my kids wanted to take a shower but the kids' bathroom was occupied. A fairly close friend was over and she asked if we only had one bathroom. And at the exact same time, my wife and I replied, "We don't let the kids shower in...and I said "Ours" and she said "Mine." I said our's because I thought it might be awkward if I said "((Insert my wife's name))" Can you imagine a husband saying his wife's bathroom? Well, there was an awkward moment of silence and then said laughingly, "Well, her's." Our friend then went on a tangent about how each of their kids shower, etc. I just thought it interesting that my wife would say "mine" in front of our friend.

The second was even better and special because I'm not sure that my wife even noticed. Her friend and recently hired employee stopped by after everyone else had left. I poured some coffee and gave her a slice of cake for desert. Very innocent, very relaxed and honestly, probably something any guy would do. I then proceeded to clean the kitchen, load and unload the dishwasher, offer my wife a 2nd cup of coffee, wiped down the counters and kitchen table and then took the dishes from her friend. All the while they just chatted away at the table as I worked (and was part of the coversation too.) It's hard to explain that this was a super casual situation and it would have been quite natural for my wife to pitch in and help while talking to her friend. But she didn't. She just sat there with her as I worked quite hard and quickly. It almost seemed like they were at a restaurant and I was the bus boy:) (Her friend is 20 years younger and cute as hell so that would be fun:)

In no way did my wife acknowledge anyting wife led. No little glance or look. I'll ask her about it tomorrow. I'm curious if she noticed anything. I wonder what she would have thought if she was either friend and the same thing happened at someone else's house?

Money Issues

2010-01-10T10:16:00.000-08:00

I use yahoo for my everyday email and they posted an article about money issues in marriage. It had some good points like discussing it BEFORE you get married, loaning money to extended family, etc etc. And there was a section on "power play" and who should control money and joint accoutns versus comingled.

I am not one of those guys that believes that just because you are in a wife led mariage that she should have total control, not allow you access at all and give you an allowance. I control all the finances. She makes quite a bit of money and long ago I decided not to over extend ourselves on our mortgage. Each month we have "play money" and always pay off our credit cards. We own 2 older cars (5 years and 8) that are paid for.

Shit, sorry that sounded like bragging. I never ever forget how fortunate we are.

But I bet she couldn't come with $3,000 of how much we have in our checking account and not within $25 K of our retirement account.

And no, this isn't an area where she had told me that I am to take charge. My controlling of the finances started long before our acknowledged wifeledness.

My point.....established roles, even one where the man leads AND is in a wife led marriage are OK. And for the financial safety of our kids I'd never let her have sole custody of all our money.

Smirking at Costco

2010-01-08T16:21:00.000-08:00

My wife has some unexpected free time this morning and was able to drive the kids to school and then come back to the house, discuss vacation plans for the year and enjoy another cup of coffee. Of course, I was in my boxers proudly displaying "Wife Worshiper" on the front.

Just prior to her leaving she wanted me on my knees. Hey, who I am to complain. Stroking and naked except those boxers around my ankles, she asked me if they were clean. Spotless I replied, just got them out of the wash.

Too bad. Make them sticky and wear them when you go to Costco. Well, naked on my knees in front of my fully clothed wife who was telling me to orgasm and wear sticky underwear to Costco.....let's just say it didn't take long:)

And while shopping at Costco I run into two neighbors who live only a few houses away. Me with my list, doing what is normally my wife's job and wearing sticky wife worshiper boxers....just had to smirk the entire time we were talking.

So ladies and gentlemen, you never who has what on underneath and what had just happened at their house! LOL

I Resolve to......

2010-01-01T09:24:00.000-08:00

Anyone who has read this blog knows of our informal but regular morning coffee service ritual. In a nutshell, I serve her coffee in a pair of boxers that say "Wife Worshiper" on them. I get down on a knee and say, "with this coffee I love you." Sometimes I say fun things. It's quick and fun. And a great way to start the day.

My wife believes that what you do on New Year's Day sets the tone for the year.

"Show me how happy I make you." (That's code to start mastrubating.)

Me: "I think every husband should start the year out this way,on his knees in front of his wife."
Her: "Every wife should require it."

Her: "Repeat after me."
"I resolve to obey."
"I reslove not to orgasm unless you (my wife) is present."
"I resolve to take my wife out on a date once per month."

Of course I repeated what she said, all the while, naked and stroking.

Happy New Year!!

Finally, I'm the Boss or.......

2009-12-29T06:50:00.000-08:00

Not.

Being in a wife led or female led marriage is not about sex. Sex for many is defined as the wife keeping the husband aroused and interested, not as many think, whips, chains and leather.

I'll keep this fairly clean.

We had a great date night last saturday and it ended in our bedroom with me naked and aroused following her directions to find a suitable vacation spot to celebrate our 20th anniversary. I found a nice hotel in Az and she pushed the computer to the end of the bed and then bent forward to check it out.

She looked at me and with her spectacular ass in the air told me to get behind her. Oh boy, it's been awhile since we did it "doggy" style. And then she proceeded to oh so very slowly thrust herself backwards.

"Put your hands on your head."
While checking out the website she continued. Back and forth, just barely touching my erection.
"Oh, look, an adult pool with cabanas. You can serve me there. Don't let my naked breasts get sun burned."
Back and forth. OH MY GOD.
"Make sure you get lots of lotion on my nipples."
Then she reaches underneath herself and guides me into her. I start to thrust. I'm now the boss, behind her, grabbing those fantastic hips, beginning to give it to her doggie style. OH MY GOD.
"Hands on your head." "Don't move."

And then, somehow, just as I was becoming the "boss", the "Man", ready to screw her silly, I'm not allowed to move.

slowly, very slowly, she pleases herself by thrusting back and forth onto me. What position is this? It sure isn't "woman on top." Can't say, "Reverse Doggie." Sounds to similar to "Bend over Boyfriend. :) Yes I was allowed to orgasm. It was one of the most intense of all time and it seemed like it lasted forever.

So....not actually the boss. :) Sometimes you just have to laugh.

Christmas Presents and Who We Are

2009-12-26T07:51:00.000-08:00

I purposely didn't give my wife any presents that could be construed as wife led. Nothing. Last year I gave her the Rodin sculpture of a man on his knees worshiping his wife. And she didn't give me anything either. No mug with, "She's the Boss." Nothing.

The reason I know this is because we talked about it. Not before but afterwards. I've been feeling a bit neglected lately and just before two families arrive for dinner I brought her into our bedroom and told her so. I told her that I needed to get hard more often, to be aroused, to submit to her. Not have intercourse, no blowjobs (ha, that's funny:), just a little arousal. Get pudgy.

I think that's what alot of guys need. More attention. But this isn't about my needs and obviously not about hers since I didn't mention them either.

So she tells me to start stroking. I am on my knees telling her that I'd like to do this more often and she says if I keep going I can spend the night serving dinner in very sticky underwear. I told her I'd rather not orgasm and was done. Just wanted to play for, oh, 97 seconds.

(Disclaimer. We aren't cheap. Our gift this year was a camera to each other.)

She then says that she thought the presents she gave to me were a little wife led. Really? I didn't think so. A much needed oven mit, a spatula, salad tongs, coffee mugs with hearts, cleaning supplies, kitchen wash clothes and a gift certificate to our favorite local restaurant. (That's for tonight. I'm going to get laid!:) LOL

I told her I purposely stayed away from sexual things. Her stocking included some bubble bath (she was out), 2 magazines for the bath, a pack of gum with a woman lying on her side saying, "Say Please." Ok, that's a bit wife led but it is tradition as was the "Boss Lady" hand lotion. Yes, it says "Boss Lady."

Then she said something profound. She laughed and said that most of both our presents were quite wife led but we are so established in our wife led marriage that we didn't really notice. And she's right. If you were watched me open my stocking you'd think, "Damn, his wife only gave him stuff to clean the house and take care of her." And you'd be right!

She then told me that this is who we are and probably always have been (in a wife led marriage.) That we don't need books or websites to define a us. And that we will continue to be in one and figure out what whats for us. How true.

I hope you all have a happy New Year.

(P.S. I've had some readers join that are single. Wonderful. I hope that they can find happiness in some degree of a female led relationship. If you think about all your friends whose marriages work, I bet almost all have some degree of wife ledness to them

Few Words

2009-12-22T06:46:00.000-08:00

Many guys, OK all guys, in wife led marriages have gone shopping with their wives. We hold doors, pay for things and fetch different sizes. Probably the biggest thing is to dutifully follow our wives carrying the bags. By the way, this is VERY evident during Christmas when the bags become plentiful. I've seen many a guy trudging along behind their wives. But bag carrying is not what this post is about.

The wife needed some cute but useful boots so we headed to some outlets. In one store, she found them. Then the sales lady came over and asked if we needed help.

Here's what happened next.

"No thank you."
She then looks at me.
"Size 9." and holds out her foot.
I immediately drop to one knee, remove her shoe, find size nine and put it on.
"Buy these."

You could catch flies in the saleswoman's mouth.

Home Depot

2009-12-09T15:56:00.000-08:00

Use it or lose it. That's my wife's employers vacation policy. Never mind that they work her so hard she can't possibly use it all. In an attempt to have some semblance of life, she took this week off. (But still had to work 5 hours on tuesday and lots of email stuff.) At least she'd have some time to shop for the holidays.

Today was Home Depot Day. We needed a number of small things so with her being off we went together. Yup, brought her to Man's Heaven. Tools, gadgets, more tools, etc. And I know my way around there. Been there alot. It's MY place. She can have Nordstrom's. Home Depot, that's for us men.

Some how that's not how the cashier saw it. Nor the lady in the parking lot.

"Hurry up. She's (the cashier) waiting."
"I know but I wanted to make sure we had everything. Can't have enough stuff when leaving here."
"You have everything. I made sure of it."
(Jokingly) "Well, this is MY place. You can go shopping but I know Home Depot."
"Pay her....now"
"Yes Dear."
"Now carry these things to the car and I'll tell you where you can take me for lunch."
"Thank you."
And me to the smirking cashier, "Damn, how'd I lose that conversation so quickly?"

And on the way to the car.....
"Where are we going for lunch?"
"Where ever I say."
"I know that, but where?"
"Where ever." "You don't need to know."
"So I am going to take you to lunch but you decide where?"
"Yes"
"Well if you tell me where then I'll know where to drive to."
"Nice try. I'm driving and I'll let you know when we get there. Now, put the stuff in the car. I'm going to get warm while you fill up the windshield wiper fluid (we had just bought some)."
"Yes Dear."

And what do I see behind me, a woman who was walking with us the entire way with a huge smile on her face!

Who thought shopping at Home Depot with your wife could be so fun? And the beauty of it all was that we trying to create a "scene". And to be sure she was smiling the whole time but it wasn't forced. It's how are marriage now works.

Are We Alone?

2009-11-23T14:49:00.000-08:00

That was the title on the latest National Geographic. It was talking about the vastness of the Universe. And no, I don't think so.

I took an out of town trip with a friend of mine and our 2 boys. We had alot of time to talk. Some how it got around to who is the boss in the marriage. He laughed and said that he didn't know any guy who had any significant control within his marriage. He thought that was even funnier since he and all his friends are Mormon and supposidly in patriarchal marriages. I half jokingly said that once the women figure out we want in their pants then it's all over for us.

I guess we aren't alone!!

A Funny Thing

2009-11-22T15:31:00.000-08:00

With all the comments from my last post I thought I should write about something funny.

My wife forgot how to coffee. As my few faithful readers know, I make it and serve it to her daily. It's our "thing." Our connect time and a daily reminder that however much we struggle, it still is a wife-led marriage.

I was out of town and she called me. She was attempting to set it up and have it automatically turn on the next morning. But she hit the auto button twice by mistake and as she was lying in bed she heard it percolating.

How's that for being in a wife led marriage? Certain aspects of our WLM are such an everyday part of our life that it leads to forgetting how to do certain things. I bet she can't remember the last time she cleaned a toilet either.

Forgot how to turn on the coffee pot (or at least the timer.) Very funny and it makes me quite happy actually.

Advice Needed

2009-10-30T11:44:00.000-07:00

Everything is fine. We are just cruising along. Sure, I wish there was more sexuality, teasing and denyiny or whatever you want to call it but there isn't. No matter what a guy does, she has to be involved and have a libido. My wife's libido is pretty low. And I honestly don't think its me or she'd be horny for others or mastrubating and she swears she isn't and I believe her.

So instead of pushing anything sexual I've mellowed a bit, just letting her take the lead. I keep the house clean, serve her coffee on bended knee each morning and ask once or twice a day if there is anything I can do for her. She always responds no. So besides not being pushy, nothing has changed.

Interestingly, she has been asking me if I am O.K. Commenting that I seem distant. And I suppose from her perspective, the change in my behavior would appear that way. I haven't spoken to her about my "backing off from sexuality" because that will only bring the lack of sex in our marriage back to the forfront. What I am trying to do is accept our lack of sex and let the pace of our sexuality be set by her. However, without me being a bit pushy and the fact that she doesn't need or want sex we just don't do anything sexual and it appears that she has noticed this change.

Again, I dont want to bring it up. But I fear if I do nothing, then nothing will happen. So being completely submissive to her lack of desire isn't working but "lightly topping from the bottom" doesn't work.

I feel a bit trapped. Advice anyone (and for God's sake don't tell me to buy her flowers and run a bubble bath.)

Interesting Comments

2009-10-17T17:00:00.000-07:00

I had someone respond lately and the dialogue is something that I read all to frequently on blogs from guys in wife led marriage. In a nutshell, it's about how much and how far a guy should submit just for the joy of submitting and the apparent pleasure of his wife. The reason I say apparent is that without some type of recognition almost all gusy will give up. It's my contention that even in a wife led marriage the wife has "responsibilities." Like I"ve posted before, there is a huge difference between teasing and denying and denying from ignoring or lack of interest.

Here is what the poster wrote:

Dear Mrs. Whatevershesays,
You are way too generous with the amount of pleasure you allow your husband. Two major wrongs here. First, a man should never be allowed to touch his penis, only washing and bathroom time. I make my hubby sit and pee, good for him and eliminates time in his hands. A husband must learn that all of his pleasure is a result of his wife granting it to him. She decides if she will rub it, lick it or let him enter her. And most of the time it should never end with him having an orgasm. She gives him all of the pleasure, he should NEVER be allowed to pleasure himself, especially to the point of letting him cum. Also, two days in a row??? Any wife into a great WLR will tell you that a man should never cum more than 10 times a year. My husband waits a minimum of 2 months before he may have an orgasm, more time is added if he has displeased me. We have been married for 31 years and have been into WLR for about the last 6 years. Easy to do once the last child has married and left the nest. Now we are free to take it to a higher level. He does all of the housework several times a week wearing only panties. He liked mine so much 31 years ago that I have been buying panties for him to wear ever since. Now he wears them full time. His idea but he does look good in them, especially when I'm reading or watching tv and he's doing the floor tiles on his knees, that is nice!! Anyway, my husband will probably cum about 8 times this year, he is so great when he is so horny I really hate it to end. I will let him penetrate me every 2 weeks or so if he has pleased me, but only for 6 to 8 stokes, then out and we go to sleep. So restrict your husband longer than he thinks he can last, he can and will, he'll have no choice. If you feel he will cheat, use a chastity device. We used the CB3000 and then the 6000 for many years. Then I wanted him to show me devotion, and swear to me he wouldn't masturbate. He did promise and hasn't ever done it. He is on the honor system. Any wife can tell when her man has just cum, so I told him if he ever did it, 6 months to a year I would lock his penis back up. No cumming! Make sure only you provide the stimulation and the pleasure, he has to learn that you control that part of his life, as well as the rest of it.

From me
Boy do I have trouble believing this.

Next posting from Anon:
Anonymous said...
Dear Whatevershesays,
If you want a really great WLR then your wife should be much more dominant with you and stop letting you cum just because you want to. And a husband should always realize that his pleasure comes from his wife. It sounds like your wife is trying to appease you and since you state she is not into sex very much, she is allowing you to cum so that you will leave her alone. Tell her that you will wait longer and then show her how great you can be. My husband did that 6 years ago, now there is no going back. Thanks for your great site, I hope you can convince your wife to allow you to show her a great WLR. You certainly have the desire.

From me:

Anon:
I agree. She is probably is trying to appease me due to her low sex drive. However, it's not that I want to cum. Frankly, I wish she'd make me wait. But there is a huge difference bewteen making a husband wait with eve just a little teasing and denying, and ignoring him because she forgot (due to her low sex drive).Wouldn't you agree that even in a WLM, the wife has some even minimal responsibilities (acknowledgement?) to some how participate? I've gone months without so much as even a hint of sexuality/acknowledgement. Even in a wife led marriage there are limits.

Accepting

2009-10-07T07:16:00.000-07:00

We are are not into financial domination. Quite the opposite. I control and manage the finances. But as a playful thing, I hand her my check from my part time job. And while on bended knee during my regular coffee service this morning, I gave her cash since it wasn't a direct deposit check.
"Do you want to play with yourself?" What she is really asking is do you want to masturbate to orgasm.
"No thank you, I did that yesterday."
"You may cum two days in a row."
"No thanks, it's not about my orgasms, just some fun."

I thanked her for the offer.

Accepting: If you are in a wife led marriage there comes a point when you must accept what makes her comfortable, not what turns you on. I have to accept that she will ask if I want to masturbate. I'd much prefer that she just tell me too. But it's not about what I want (to a degree of course, it's still a partnership afterall.)

Good Will Hunting

2009-10-05T07:08:00.001-07:00

Maybe because I'm looking for it but more and more I see female dominant/wife led gestures and comments in our society. It's always been my contention that women have alot more power in relationships than either sex is willing to acknowledge because men pursuing women for sex aspect. I know that's a gross simplification but it's true. Frankly, the main difference is that I and most of my readers have acknowledged this "power exchange."

Back to the title: Good Will Hunting. Great movie. Minnie Driver and Matt Damon are in bed and it's presumed they have had sex. Snuggling up she says she wants to meet his family and friends. He's trying to avoid that and then she says, "What would you do if I said no sex until I meet them?" As he grabs the phone and calls his buddy she says that he is crazy, it's 4:30 in the morning and only thinks with his dick. Yup.

Just one more example in mainstream media proving that once again, men will do anything to get laid.

And the funny thing to me is that if my buddy called me at 4:30 am because he had to to get laid, I'd understand and wouldn't be mad. And neither would any other guy regardless of if they are in a wife led marriage or not.

Quick Update

2009-09-11T14:27:00.000-07:00

A number of blogs have recently posted about the complexities of life and it's impact on their wife led marriage. That the wife led aspect ebbs and flows depending upon the demands of work, kids, etc.

I suggest that even with the reduction of "wifeledness" one should compare their current situation to whatever their relationship was like before they embarked upon the never ending journy of a wife led marriage. I think many will notice small things that are just happening now, that are part of the daily frabic of their lives. In the beginning, these small gestures would have resulted in a blog posting detailing how sexy it was, a huge turn on and that they are happy their wife is becoming more accustomed to being the boss, etc. Now it is the new "normal."

Case in point:
I joined my wife today for lunch. She's hugely busy and it doesn't happen often. I grabbed her plate of salad as we proceeded to check out. After I paid, we walked out side where I commented on how dirty the table was and then tried to wipe if clean. She said I was "doting" and asked if I was trying to show others how attentive I was and thereby creating a wife-led moment. I told her no, I wasn't trying anything and that I no longer care who knows what and that we've gone well beyond. She said, "Good, then get up and go over to the other table and get me some pepper." I did, put it on her salad and that was that. And while it was a bit of a turn on, it would have been a huge turn on 2 years ago. Hell, I might have shot my load there and then. But it is now the new "normal."

Perhaps, when we men complain that our wives are "into it" enough we should compare now to a ways back. I think many will have to admit that their wives have come a long way.

I'm Done

2009-07-30T05:36:00.000-07:00

As I last posted, things are going well but I've found that I really don't have much to say. I think this is normal. Unless you have a blog that is commenting on external stimuli (i.e. politics, new movies, etc) you just run out of things to talk about.

And while I enjoy some other blogs, I don't think that's a reason to keep mine.

I sincerely hope that anyone who has visited my blog finds whatever they are looking for and understand that all relationships are a journey. Now go take care of your wife!

Cruising

2009-07-28T05:06:00.000-07:00

Not alot to blog about. We are just cruising along. Some minor ups and downs but nothing blog worthy. And she has a very large project due in 2 weeks so I don't expect much "action" during this time.

I hope all is well in your relationship.

"You're in trouble"

2009-07-17T07:03:00.000-07:00

"You're in trouble." These are the words I heard after bringing one of my kids home from a sporting event. I had just gotten out of the car.

It was said by a mom sitting accross the street with some other neighbors.

"You're in trouble." "We just saw (wife's name) take out the garbage."

I wasn't actually in trouble but I found it quite arousing that she said it, that they all obviously knew who the boss was. Ha, if they only knew!

It's been awhile since anyone's commented like that and that is both good and bad. Good because I think it's so freaking obvious, so "normal" in the way others see us, that no one even cares. Bad, in that I like thoses comments. I like the acknowledgement from others that they know she's the boss. I like the subtle humiliation that speeds up my heart. Open acknowledgement from others is a turn on. It makes it more real.

I Promise......

2009-07-10T06:25:00.001-07:00

As some of you know, I present coffee to my wife in our little morning ritual. I get down on one knee and say, (and it varies each day) "With this coffee I promise to (insert: obey, love, change the sheets on the bed,...etc.).

Today was no different.

"With this coffee I promise to obey."

She just stared at me and didn't accept the coffee. Hmmm, thinking she wasn't in a playful or kinky mood I tried again.

"With this coffee, I promise to love and obey."

Hey, women like the love stuff.

She just stared. It's also what she does every time we have a drink together. I have to toast her. But I have to guess what she is thinking. If I'm wrong (often) she just stares at me and waits until I guess correctly.

"Um, I don't understand." I said.

She replied, "A promise is for the future. You should say just say obey."

"With this coffee, I obey."

"That's better."

Happily aroused I went and poured my own coffee.

Later she asked me how I was. Great, I replied. She is feeling disconnected from me. Her job is quite demanding and as the sole bread winner and with 3 teenagers, she can't just quit and move. And due to some unforseen activities of said teenagers, I've been gone a few nights this week. I did ask her if her feelings of disconnect were due any lack of wife led attention on my part. I have been dialing it down a bit lately, tired of pushing myself on her. Fortunately, this isn't the issue. Whew!! :)

I'm pretty sure that many readers like the first part of this post. And had I not written about her feelings of disconnection, it would have seemed like the perfect wife led moment.

But I don't think real wife led marriages are like that. They aren't perfect. They are messy. Real life gets in the way and I thought it important to show both sides.

Have a great weekend and don't forget to serve your wife/gf (both :) breakfast in bed or for the women, expect and demand it. Enjoy.

Exercising Control

2009-07-09T07:28:00.000-07:00

"You can turn off my light now." Shit, I hate that. I w, s just about asleep, her lamp is in arms reach, yet she makes me get out of bed and walk over and turn off her light. And honestly, I didn't want to. I was tired and her lack of anything sexual was making me mad. Other than the times I've initiated something sexual, nothing from her in almost 2 weeks. We had a date at an outdoor concert on Tuesday night and nothing then. I suppose my frustration was showing.

After turning off the light and getting back into bed she said, "I thought I should exercise my control. Because I can." Wow.

And then this morning I went thought my normal (ha, normal for us:) ritual of presenting her coffe to her on one knee and saying something like, "With this coffee, I thee promise to love, honor and obey." It changes daily.

And after I said that she just looked at me. Didn't extend her hand to take her coffee. Just stared at me. So I tried again with a different phrase. Nothing, she just stared at me.

So I said, "With this coffee, I thee promise to love, honor, obey and to turn off your light without attitude." Coffee service completed.

Hey At All Times, lets combine our wives. Yours is dominant in the bedroom, mine out of the bedroom. LOL

Symbolism

2009-07-03T18:00:00.000-07:00

This moring was fun. As usual I served my wife coffee as she watched the morning news. Usually, I do this in a pair of boxers that say "wife worshipper" on them. It's our morning ritual. And once in a while I mix it up a bit, like today, when I wear an apron. Nothing frilly, just a white apron. No biggie.

As she was putting on her make up she requested that I "think of her." That's our double secret signal that I am to masturbate for her. And of course I gladly did. And as I was approaching orgasm I grabbed a pair of her lace panties as, what she calls, a "catcher's mit." I just hold them in front of me. We both like that little bit of submissive symbolism. First orgasm in 6 days and it felt good (duh.)

Here's the funny symbolic part. As I was moving the wash to the dryer, those lace panties and my apron strings were totally entwined together. I told her about it later and we both got a bit of a chuckle.

When is Denying just Denying or is it Teasing too?

2009-06-26T05:59:00.000-07:00

Like many in a wife led marriage, I enjoy being teased and denied. It's particularly important in my marriage because we don't have alot of intercourse so it (T&D) is what we do. And like others, some times it crosses over into just denial. Denial, without teasing is to me like being ignored. Not good in any marraige.

Over the past few days I have been prompting my wife to at least let me get aroused. I don't expect to orgasm since we are going away, without kids this weekend. But life with children has prevented us from a little play time. Ok, no problem.

As we were enjoying the warm rays of the sun yesterday, I asked her if we could get together to tease, arouse and deny me. She said no.

No? What the fuck? No sex, no teasing, no nothing for over a week. I was royally pissed off.

Then she said that I would have to wait until the weekend. No teasing, no denying, no nothing until then.

Wholly crap, I was turned on. By deciding, quite forcefully, that I wouldn't get teased and denied before the weekend, I got teased and denied. Her control and power at that moment still has my head spinning.

I am more confused than ever. But very, very happy with this turn of events. Her denying of teasing and denying was in fact teasing and denying. LOL

Sexy Celery

2009-06-22T05:18:00.000-07:00

My wife made me go food shopping on Saturday. I hate food shopping. The only thing that made it palatable was her playful mood. She just points or stands in front what she wants to buy and then I have to figure it out. A few shakes and nods later and it's in the cart. It's not very subtle. The only reason people don't notice is that there are different people in each isle.

Well, some notice in the veggie section. She was doing alot of pointing and nodding and I was running back and forth to get plastic bags for the peppers, cucumber, etc. She then gabbed some very wet celery and shook it at me. Water splayed all over me and as I reached for it she said, "Take it." As in just stand there and take the spray. So I did. People everywhere and she just shook the celery in my face making me quite wet......and aroused. It was all very playful, nothing aggressive or nasty.

Sure hope she needs help next week.

Matriarchal Marriages

2009-06-15T08:31:00.000-07:00

Yes.

I am a proud, strong, man, father, brother and husband.

Yes, my wife is the head of our house.

We have been married for 19 years. Together for 24. Over 1/2 my life.

We are happy. We are not perfect.

She is the boss.

I am not oppressed. She doesn't whip me. She doesn't wear leather boots.

I am her only lover.

She is my heart and soul.

Perhaps, just perhaps, your marriage and life would be better if you too were in a matriarchal marriage?????

Riding a High

2009-06-15T07:11:00.000-07:00

Things have been going very well lately despite that she has been overworked and stressed. She had me bring myself to the very, very edge and then stop. A first for us!

After having sex saturday night she told me to sleep on the floor. I was so very tired, my shoulder hurt and I was a bit drunk, I said no and got into bed. She told me that if I slept in the bed, I would be denied until our anniversary in 2 weeks. Promises, promises...LOL

And there are the very important little things outside the bedroom that keep it going. Such as her just placing some cd's and her ipod next to me. A clear indication that she wanted them loaded and synced. One of our kids asking if I could drive them someplace and a quick glance from her and a very subtle nod. And finally this morning while she drove to work we were talking about household stuff and she told me to throw out 2 frying pans because she had bought 2 for Father's Day. My only regret is that I didn't get to open them infront of our friends who will be here for a barbeque LOL.

It will be interesting to see if she makes me wait 2 weeks until my next orgasm. I think that would be the longest time period. Regardless, I am enjoying this period of more intense "wife-ledness".

Is it "new" or "Newly Acknowledged?"

2009-06-08T09:01:00.000-07:00

Lady Julia's blog is fantastic. http://ladyjulia.net/myblog/relationships/1642-femdom-or-female-led-relationships-imagine/#comment-1510

Her recent post about imagining yourself as a vanilla wife approached by your husband who asks you to enter into a wife led marriage and with kinky stuff to boot is wonderful food for thought. And as usual, I agree with her.

But I often wonder how many marriages are alread wife-led? On Friday we were heading to a semiformal event and my wife was bringing one of those totally useless but fancy minipurses. And prior to leaving she found the following note:

"Dearest,"
I'm glad you decided to make we wait and keep me aroused and frustrated for the next week. I'm glad that I am your beck-and-call-boy."

It was dated in 2003. And later this month we are celebrating our three year anniversary of being in a wife led marriage. Our beginning is when it was formally acknowledged the day I gave her the wonderful book, "Around Her Finger."

What I am getting is that I was definately in a wife led marriage for at least 3 years prior to our defining it.

I think that if more men helped their wives to acknowledge what has usually been happening for some time anyway, it might smooth the road so to speak.

Sexless Isn't Loveless

2009-06-05T14:53:00.000-07:00

It seems to me that the blogs that last are the ones, almost exclusively, written by men, struggling to make their marriage work. After comments I read by LadyJulia on AtAllTimes's blog, I wanted to address the sexless (or nearly sexless) marriage as compared to the loveless marriage.

While I complain, I am fortunate and must remember that my wife loves me. And it appears so does the wives of AAT, Worshiping Your Wife, Allforher, Hardwired Submissive Man, etc. etc.

I am a lucky guy and I don't think I could look my kids in the eye and say that I'm divorcing their mom, blowing up their lives, because she doesn't screw me enough.

Well, that and I truly love her! :)

Effort. It's About the Effort

2009-06-02T07:16:00.000-07:00

Background:

Due to a low libido, my wife struggles with thinking sexually and as a result doesn't do alot of teasing and denying.

Each morning I serve her coffee on bended knee and say something nice. It's our own little fun morning ritual. No big deal. On Monday I was serving her coffee as she was turning on the overhead lights and she wondered if others could see. She also thought I might be doing something more than just serving her coffee (stroking for her.)

Later that morning I sent her the following email:
This morning you were turning some lights on and were concerned about who could see what and I joked that I wasn't naked and stroking.

2 things:
Well actually one since we both don't care too much about who sees me serving you coffee. Unless they stopped and stared on multiple mornings they wouldn't "know" anyting.

And the other is that if you want me to "think about you:)" (readers, that means to masturbate) all you have to do is tell me to. Any time, any place and for any length of time. While I do prefer if you are home, you don't have to be all the time. It doesn't need to result in a release (orgasm). Heck, thinking of you, could be used as both a reward and punishment, or even just for fun.

And I thought I'd email this to you (you are putting on your makeup right now) so you don't have that awkward....."Should I (meaning you) be doing something now?" type of thing.

She replied: "Got it"

This morning was the usual coffee service. And as usual, while she puts on her makeup behind a partially closed door (mirror issues:) I asked her if she needed anything. There was a long hesitation and then she said,

"Think of me but don't come."

So there I knealt, outside her bathroom, stroking and getting quite aroused. She asked me if I was hard, duh, and then told me to stop and go get her headphones in the basement. I happily walked downstairs, aroused. I gave her the headphones and she glanced at my still pudgy state but said nothing. The end.

That's what I needed. I need her to show some consistent effort of working on our sexuality. I am hoping this starts a new chapter and she begins to realize how little it takes to make me happy. Time will tell.

Rest Up

2009-05-29T15:02:00.001-07:00

Was doing some errands today when I recieved a text from my wife. "You may want to nap today. Plan on being very busy. Rest up."

I doubt I'm the only one whose loins stir when they get a message like this. While I'll try not to get my hopes up too high, just the fact that she thought to send a text like this means alot.

Got to go. Alot to do with guest coming over for a backyard fire and drinks tomorrow night.

Suprise.....or Not

2009-05-27T11:44:00.000-07:00

I returned tuesday around noon from a great long weekend away with some old friends. I hadn't done that in about 3 years and I had a blast. My wife gets alot of credit for holding down the fort while I was gone.

Of course there was frequent texting. I often told her how I missed serving her coffee and looked forward to it. Serving her coffee is probably our main "ritual" that is a wife-led constant.

So nothing happened last night. Not suprising given that she tired from work and I was exhausted from traveling all day then getting home and vaccuuming, mowing the lawn and preparing dinner.

This morning I served her coffee, as usual, in my boxers that say wifeworshipper on them. While she was in the dressing area I asked her if she needed me. She said no. What the fuck? Nothing. So I stewed for a bit then asked her if it was OK that I got aroused. She said yes and watched me masturbate. While doing so I told her it had been a while. She asked, in a suprising tone, "Did you arouse yourself while away?" "Did you "release" (orgasm)? I said of course not to both. She then said, and it's hard to explain, suprised, so the last time you came was a week ago saturday (about 10 days). I said yes, I don't do this without your permission.

I guess what I am driving at here is her apparent lack of understanding that I don't do anything sexual without her permission. But we have discussed this before. Her active control of my orgasms and our wife led aspect of our marriage is what our sex life is. If our sex life is to be defined by just fucking, shit, that would be terrible.....about once per month.....maybe.

Trust me, we WILL be discussing her reaction and morning questions later.

Appropriate Hint or Topping from the Bottom?

2009-05-19T10:16:00.001-07:00

As many of you know, my wife struggles with "thinking sexually" due to her low libido. This morning I was going to the mall to return a pair of shoes of hers that don't fit and she handed me a Victoria's Secret free panty card. No big deal really. I told her that I'd enjoy going in there solo and getting a panty for her. That I would most likely be aroused. But alas, she decided the shoes do fit. I told her that because expecting guests, that I probably wouldn't go to the mall just for the panty. She agreed.

A bit later, she texted me and told me to go anway because she said so. Later she said I was to "think of her" our wording for me to arouse myself. I've picked up the panty and yes I was a bit aroused. And more so because I can't wait to tell her.

There is a pretty significant chance that she made me go anyway because of how aroused I told her I would be and how much enjoyment I would get.

So: Was this hinting on my part or topping from the bottom? Are hints OK? Do you hint?

Out of Town

2009-05-18T16:05:00.000-07:00

I'm heading out of town for a week and will be unable to blog. Didn't want anyone thinking I'd stopped.

This past weekend was fun. We had a little at home date in our back yard with a fire. I was allowed to orgasm and made to sleep on the floor. I like it. I'm next to her, like a guard dog. She gets the whole huge king bed. It's somewhat uncomfortable and I like that too. When I wake up in the middle of the night and the "sexual buzz" has worn off, it reminds me of our relationship.

A Tasty Frustrating Treat

2009-05-14T07:08:00.000-07:00

Simply put, my wife isn't pysically affectionate. Not alot to touching, sexual or otherwise. Doesn't reach out to touch hold my hand and besides coming and going from the house, doesn't kiss me either. It's not the way she is. (BTW, I don't worry about affairs). It's an ongoing issue for me. I struggle with it, alot. And I mean ALOT. But that is another issue.

And this week hasn't been any different. We had a nice date on Saturday night and had sex too. And since the word sex lacks detail, we had intercourse. Yeah! But since then, nothing. Not true, a little bossy and I do appreciate her efforts. But no arousal, teasing, touching, etc. I'm getting frustrated in a bad way. I shouldn't have to ask for it. I feel like I'm begging for basices (ohhhh, good title for a future post.)

So in my frustrated mood she walks out of the bathroom/changing room in my favorite dress. It's about an inch or two shorter than most. Nice heels too. WOW. Then she hikes up her skirt just a bit to kneel down to wrap some birthday presents and I catch a glimpse of her slip. It's the lacy black and purple one she recently purchased. So now I'm frustrated in both good and bad ways. And no, I don't think she did it on purpose because if she did, she would have let me know.

Here it is. http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/2999727?Category=&Search=True&SearchType=keywordsearch&keyword=slips+in+All+Categories&origin=searchresults

Now you know my why I am going crazy this morning.

Gay, Straight or Wife-Led?

2009-05-06T07:03:00.000-07:00

My wife came home with big news yesterday. A friend of hers at work, divorced last year, has declared her true sexual identity. She's gay. Apparently, she had a relationship with a girl in high school, renounced her homosexuality due to severe church pressure, married a guy and had two kids. I applaud her strength but worry about her. Alot of her life and family is tied to her church.

Anyway, I got to thinking about her coming out of the closet. Besides some members of her church caring, no one else will. No one will snicker about her sex life and that she too likes to eat pussy.

But what would happen if my wife and I came out of the proverbial closet? Can you imagine? Neighbors wispering, "Did you know that she's the boss. They both admit it. And she controls the sex, even if and when he's allowed to you know.....be....um....errrr.....satisfied." "He must be a wimp." "She must be a domineering bitch." etc., etc.

While I truly don't care anymore about who knows what and who thinks what, I find it interesting how society has changed. I do believe that with more women making more money than men, more men staying home, that more marriages will become wife led.

A Question

2009-05-04T05:48:00.000-07:00

For most guys, they lose some of their submissive intensity after an orgasm.

Does your wife lose some of her dominant tendencies after she has an orgasm?
Does your wife lose some of her dominant tendencies after you orgasm?

Normally, my wife loses quite a bit of her dominant tendencies after she allows me to orgasm. Fortunately, after saturday mornings release on the deck (in the rain again) she has been quite bossy. Thankfully.

What about you?

What the Hell

2009-05-01T08:14:00.000-07:00

I don't usually go off topic. This blog is about sharing my journey in a wife led marriage and learning from others.

However, what the hell with the swine flu. The media goes nuts and my 11 y.o. came downstairs 2 nights ago crying that he thought he was going to die from the it.

Hey, world, CHILL OUT. And the US media has gone fucking crazy. Sure it's a bit serious, and yes, some people will die. But you have a better chance of dieing while driving to the pharmacy than you do from the swine flu.

And too bad the media doesn't give enough coverage and concern to the fact that 1 in 4 kids in the US are over weight. That's the PARENTS fault. If your 5 y.o. is fat then stop feeding him/her so much junk food. Obesity is a much larger (pun intended) problem than the swine flu. And lets throw in drug use and the lack of seatbelts too.

Sorry for the rant but we have to put things into perspective.

Turn Around Time

2009-04-22T20:25:00.001-07:00

Normally, if I'm on a blog that is sexual in nature and I read "Turn Around Time" I'm thinking what you are thinking.....How fast can I get it up and do it again.

On the heels of yesterdays post "Busted" where I detailed my failed attempt to photograph the exposed sexy slip she was wearing, I find that same slip acting as a central figure again. No, I'm not a closet crossdresser, sorry Iowabev:)

I washed the aforementioned slip while my wife was at work. And upon returning from work, I was folding laundry and held out her slip and told her it was ready for wearing again. She looked at me and said, "I thought you were to hand wash that." Oh shit. She's right of course. I responded that with the recent illness of our son and the resulting craziness I didnt' have time.

She told me that it is to always be handwashed and that she'd rather wait for it to be ready again, knowing that I hand washed it, than have it ready sooner by throwing it in the washer/dryer. It was the way she said it and the fact that she exercised her authority that made it so damn sexy. I actually got a bit aroused.

Like At All Times recently posted, it is the daily little things, what I call, her active and open acknowledgement of our wife led marriage, that is so very important. It's not all about the bedroom.

Busted

2009-04-22T05:12:00.000-07:00

I don't take alot of pictures with my cell phone. But the other day my wife looked so damn hot. She's tan now after our vacation and she decided on this warm day to go without pantyhose. It's been awhile, months actually, since she was able to be bare-legged.

She left the house with a new dress on. It's very nice looking, black and white but what sets it apart from others is that it is just a tad shorter than usual. Still proffessional of course.

Later in the day at my son's doctors appointment she lifted up her skirt and flashed me her new slip. I don't know what it is, but I love slips. This one is a shiny, black and dark purple with black lace. I had helped her buy it. Wow. I noticed that when she bent over, the skirt road up her fabulously long (she's 5' 8") tan legs and exposed her slip. OMG.

Two nurses came into the room and were examing my son and asked my wife to help. As she bent over.......CLICK. I'm so stupid, I forgot how much sound the camera phone makes. My then says, "What are you doing, taking a picture of my ass?" I stammered something about not even knowing how to take pictures, blah, blah, blah. BUSTED

Later I wrote her a card apologizing for my indiscretion but describing what I saw, in very flattering terms, and how I'm only human. She read the card and said it (the card) was a good idea.

Looking back I wished I had thrown all caution to the wind with those nurses present and said yes I am taking a picture of you ass. It's fabulous and you are tremendously sexy and I worship you.

Our Vacation

2009-04-20T05:54:00.000-07:00

Our vacation last week had mixed results. Unfortunately, my middle child was quite ill and we couldn't leave him alone. This resulted in no nights out or early morning walks etc. And due to his severe illness and the fact that we were in a 3rd world country we were quite stressed. So not much playful sex.

But we had moments:
1. We did get to talk about her lack of physical intimacy. Granted, it didn't result in anything immediate but communication is important.
2. We had a deck facing the other 1/2 of the hotel. Each morning I served her coffee in colorful boxers that would pass as a bathing suit. The best part was that on the first day she said, "Present the coffee." I got down on one knee and held out the cup. She then said, "With this coffee, I thee........." And I had to repeat it and fill in the blank. "With this coffee I thee worship." Each morning I had to complete the sentence with a different word. I'm sure others saw us on more than one occasion and wondered what was going on. And she said that this is how I should present all coffee in the future. So this morning I was on bended knee. I'm sure this will become a constant ritual. Hmmm, what to do if others are around?
3. She had me kneel by the bedside and masturbate. I'm pretty sure 2 women on a higher deck could see at least something through the sliding glass door.
4. We were bartering for some silver something or other and the guy just couldn't grasp that she was the boss. Pretty damn funny.
5. Off of our rooftop deck there was a backdoor leading to an open walkway and the elevator. No one ever used it because if you wanted to get to your unit, you would go to the floor below. Part of it faced east and we got up very early to watch the sunrise. I served her coffee in an apron. A "man's" apron, long and white. I tie it in the back and then run the string between my legs (think thong:) and eventually wrap and tie around the base of my cock. So there I am serving her coffee and thinking no one else is up this early. If the elevator opens or someone leaves there rooftop deck, there is no place to hide, no where to go. No one was up but neither was the damn sun. It was behind some low clouds so my wife said we couln't leave until we saw the sun. And damn if that sun didn't take it's sweet time. Evntually it broke through and we retreated to our room, undiscovered.

So while we didn't have any intercourse and my wife still struggles with all aspects of physical intimacy, we made the best out of a very difficult situation. Glad to be back home and have my son in the care of his doctors.

Yes Dear

2009-04-10T05:56:00.000-07:00

Sorry I can't find the link but there is a story about how couples are less likely to enjoy their marriage after kids.

My wife and I were watch Robin Mead this morning on CNN (she's hot:). This story came up. One person texted in that "After 28 years of marriage, he's determined that the secret to a good marriage is only two words, "Yes Dear."

My wife and I just smiled at each other.

Off on vacation. Always good for a fun story or two. See you in a week.

Trippin

2009-04-06T07:39:00.001-07:00

We are going away soon for a week. Nice, warm and wet.....the beach you pervs.

The wife sent me an email this morning with all I am to do. Ha, I already had done most of it!

Anyway, I'll try and post again before we go. If not, I'm sure there will be much to write about when I get back. She's already told me about sex in the roof top hot tub, me serving her moring coffee on the roof top deck, etc. Did I mention that the roof top is very very visible to all? And did I mention that when I told her that she said she didn't care?

Cold Shower Equals Best Sex

2009-04-03T05:25:00.000-07:00

A very large rain storm hit our citylast night. We don't get them often. And as we were drifting off to sleep, we realized that the storm was pretty damn loud. I figured the loose downspout had fallen but I knew I could sleep throught it. And my wife, she could sleep through a civil war.

Her: "Why is it so loud?"
Me: "Downspout disconnected but I'm not going out there now."
Her: "Yes you are."

So I got up and went to the deck door, naked but for a tee shirt. I went out, around the side of the house and found the downspout. It's POURING, really coming down. And it's winter so it's almost snow. Very, very cold. I'm shivering, shaking as I try to reconnect the downspout.

You'd think I'd have shrinkage. Nope, I'm getting very aroused. Freezing, naked, outside in the pouring cold rain.

Finally I connect it and come back in and she points to the side of the bed. I literally shaking I'm so cold but my erection gives me away. I'm very turned on. She tells me to take off my tee shirt and stroke myself.

I'm still shaking, stroking. She asks me if I want to make a warm puddle (orgasm) or go to bed aroused and frustrated.

I tell her the truth. Shaking now not only from the cold but from pure honesty and worry of what she will think.

I tell her what most men in a wife led marriage reallly want to say.

I tell her that I don't want to orgasm. I want to get harder, more frustrated and then told to go to bed. That I want her to control it. That I am hers.

Stroking, aroused, getting close. I can feel the beginning of the orgasm. Deep down.

"That's enough. Turn off my light and the electric blanket."

In the dark, shaking, aroused, I stumble to my side of the bed and while I lie next to her, I stroke her hair and whisper my gratitude for not allowing me to orgasm.

Weary...Too Damn Bad

2009-03-30T12:21:00.000-07:00

Just finished driving for 12 hours over 2 days on snowy twisty roads to get home. Called the wife when I got here. She said, "glad you are home, now get to work." God I love this woman.

Chugging Along

2009-03-25T05:46:00.000-07:00

I'd love to post about some major development or great sexual thing that occurred. Sorry. We are just chugging along. She makes, generally, more demands like the other night when she simply said my car gas tank is empty. It was cold and 1/2 rain, 1/2 snowing but I gladly filled up her tank.

She still doesn't seem to understand "denial." Everytime I've begun to masturbate for her, she's allowed me to orgasm. I guess I'll need to be more open and blunt next time we discuss it.

I'm out of town for the next 5 days, away from a computer and her. I'll post when I get back.

Shamrock.......

2009-03-19T05:28:00.000-07:00

It's a tradition going back at least 8 years. Every St. Patrick's Day my wife gets a permanent marker and tattoo's my ass with a shamrock. It's fun and our own little secret. I enjoy the fact that she tattoo's me. I wish she would do it more often. I suppose it's partially an ownership thing. But mostly I just like the fact that she is paying attention to me and participating/acknowledging our wife led marriage.

Off to work with a smile knowing that everyone around me doesn't know. I wonder what I don't know about them?

Varities of a Vanilla Marriage

2009-03-13T05:48:00.000-07:00

Did you ever notice that, after you've been in a wife led marriage for awhile, (and she is aware of it and has participated to some degree) that vanilla isn't vanilla anymore?

Even when we aren't doing much wife-led like things, I still get up each morning, put on boxers that say wife worshipper (from Cafe Press) and bring her coffee on the couch. I bet Tom doesn't do that for Jane next door.

As my wife said last week within the space of literally 3 minutes: "I want our marriage to be a partnership" and then very shortly after "Our marriage has always been wife led, always will be. It's who we are."

I guess vanilla ain't vanilla any more.

PS A note to AAT who's wife is struggling. I think you and Jane will experience this interesting phenonom.

Advice Please

2009-03-04T13:55:00.000-08:00

We are traveling to Isla Mujeres, "Island of the Woman" off the coast of Cancun, Mexico. There is a temple there, dedicated by the Mayans to women. I am going to take my wife to the temple for a short visit. (We have teenagers so they can stay in the hotel for an hour by themselves.

I am looking for suggestions, something wife-led, to do a the temple. Before we all go crazy please remeber that my wife isn't overly kinky or domineering. And there is a reasonable chance that there might be other people there, though I do plan on gong very, very early to watch the sunrise.

Ladies and gentlemen, please help me out. Just try and remember the parameters.

Confusion

2009-03-02T05:50:00.000-08:00

We started discussing our wife led marriage yesterday while driving back from the mall. Which by the way, was alot of fun. Carrying bags, holding doors, etc. At one point, she yelled out from a changing room, "check the care tag and tell me how you are going to take care of the blouse." I told her through the door that I would be hand washing it. The sales girl definately heard that conversation.

Any way, during our conversation she went from, "I don't view wife led as whips, chains and leather" (neither do I btw) to "I don't get a rush out of watching you do the dishes while I just sit there. I view our marriage as a partnership" to "a wife led marriage is who we are" to "If you want to quit the wife led marriage then I feel like you are quitting on us. A wife led marriage is us. It's how we've always been and always will be."

So in general I was happy that on how she views our marriage. But like many other wives, she struggles with the "implementation" and the balance between wanting to be a good, helping, serving wife and mother compared to demanding a few selfish things for herself.

Life is a journey.

Just Chugging Along

2009-02-23T20:15:00.000-08:00

Some people can make their posts thought provoking. Some make them controversial. I'm sure some make them up. Others detail their sex life. Some are new to the wife led scene and many struggle.

I suppose I fit into the last category. Just a guy, trying to find what works for him and his wife. Keeping the sex alive. Proud that they still communicate and work on their marriage.

Where do you fit? Feel free to create your own "category."

Trying A Different Tack

2009-02-17T12:02:00.000-08:00

Including the past few weekends and the next 4, one of us will be out of town for about 7 of 8 weekends. That is alot of time apart and my wife has acknowledged a lack of intercourse. (Frankly, we need to have a weekend date night and a few glasses of wine.) However, my wife has continued to be playful and we have had some fun wife led moments.

While driving to work today, she phoned me and let me know that while she was dressing, she had thought about initiating some type of fun, sexual situation but do to a late start, she decided there wasn't enough time. Of course I wish there had been more time but just the fact that she had thought about it made me very happy. She went on to tell me that she thinks of our sex life often.

I didn't know that. I'm glad that she does.

But how to get her thought put into some type of action?

I think she feels that the sexual "action" must be a somewhat lengthy "scene." Nothing could be farther from the truth.

So tonight I 'm going to bring her into the bedroom and tell her that I really wasn't aware of how often she thinks of our sex life. (And due to her lack of initiation, I think it's fair that I didn't know.)

Then I'm going to reinact this morning. I tell her to pretend that she has thought of our sex life but realized there isn't any time to do some thing about it.

I'll then show/tell her what she could have done. None of which would take more than 30 seconds and hopefully none of which she would find distasteful, embarassing or difficult to perform.

For example,
1. "(my name), "Can you come in here for a second." (my arrival) "I was thinking of you but time got away. Be good, ache a bit, maybe tomorrow."

2."Sorry, ran out of time." "My shoes need a polish."

3. "When was the last time you orgasmed?" "Sorry, out of time. Have a nice day."

4. Any of the above on my knees and or with my pants around my ankles.

5. "Pick out your favorite panties. Sorry out of time."

6. "Show me how you think of me in the shower." Stroke, stroke, "Sorry out of time."

7. "No time right now, page me each time you get hard today. No orgasm."

8. Lift the hem of her skirt to show the lace fringe of slip, "Like that?" (rehtorical..lol) Think about it today." "Maybe tomorrow."

Normally I would think this is "topping from the bottom", a husband trying to still be in charge of a wife led marriage. But I do believe she wants ideas to make her feel like a better, sexier wife and to further our already great communication and strengthen our marriage.

I'll let you all know how it goes.

Away Days

2009-02-16T06:53:00.001-08:00

Damn, I hate when my life gets in the way of my wife led marriage. I just spent 5 days away with one of my kids at a tournament. We had a good time but being away stinks. And over Valentine's Day too.

I'm finally back at home and am looking forward to getting back into things. And it may take a few days for her to rev back up and I'll have to be patient.

After 2 1/2 years of an acknowledged wife led marriage, it's not like it is just going to end!! :)

The Devil Wears Coach

2009-02-04T07:16:00.000-08:00

For some unknown reason, the movie "The Devil Wears Prada" has been on TV alot. It's a pretty funny movie and worth watching, at least as chick flicks go. Alot of the movie has the secretary running around serving the every need of her boss. The whole office goes into a daily frenzy when they get a call that she is in the elevator on the way up.

My wife calls me from her office before she leaves or when she is in her car to see if a kids needs a pick up on her way home or if we need milk. Mostly it's to inform me that she'll be home some. Sometimes she just says, "warning."

Normally, I've already started straightening up the house, making sure the bed is made and at least thinking about dinner. But if I've been lazy or one of the kids needed extra homework help, I have to move quickly because it's only a 15 minute commute. I don't want her coming home to a overy messy house and a family in disaray. She's worked hard and deserves better. And yes, of course, the is a wife led aspect to it and some sexual component.

Anyway, for those of you that have seen this movie, her call to me is like when the secretaries get the call that she is on the way up. Maybe it's only funny in my head. LOL

Follow UP

2009-02-03T05:27:00.000-08:00

My last post ended with this question:

"At what point does the depth of her dominance stop? If standing 1/2 naked and washing her camisoles doesn't produce the same "effect" as it once did, should she do more? Do I need more?"

The depth of dominance stops when either person feels uncomfortable.
She need not do more.
No, I don't need more depth. I do need a higher frequency.

Regular, Normal, Everyday

2009-01-30T07:18:00.000-08:00

Sounds like I'm advertising for some type of laxative.

But to my few faithful readers of my drivel, they know better. They probably already know where I'm going with this post.

But it's a follow-up to a comment made by Susan's Pet (http://hersforever.blogspot.com/) on my last post.

Yesterday, while she was applying makeup, I hand washed a few of her camisoles. She told me I didn't have to. I told her I'd rather because it turns me on a bit. Washed then left. No sexy anything.

This morning she was in the bathroom/dressing area she said called out to me and told me one needs to be rewashed. Catching me naked from the waist down I went in to see what I had missed. It was a deoderant smear on the side, lower than the armpit area I had concentrated on yesterday. I then proceeded to rewash it (and a dirty bra too) while she applied her makeup. I got a bit turned on, catching the "submissive buzz". I said sorry and I'd make sure I didn't miss that spot again.

She replied, simply and matter of factly, "Consider yourself warned."

Now had this whole situation occurred a year and a half ago, it would have been a huge deal. Me 1/2 naked hand washing her delicates, her expressing her dominance.

But now, as Susan's Pet expressed in his comment, that this is normal.....for us.

At what point does the depth of her dominance stop? If standing 1/2 naked and washing her camisoles doesn't produce the same "effect" as it once did, should she do more? Do I need more?

I'll let you all think about your own situation and I'll post my thoughts on this very important aspect of all marriage, female led and other, in my next post.

Sorry

2009-01-29T05:43:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven't posted in some time but there isn't much going on. No big talks, no sexy sex things. Just normal life with a dash of wife-ledness thrown in here and there. I guess that is what is "normal."

The only funny thing is that a friend of mine said he wasn't getting alot of sex, particularly blowjobs. He said his wife used to do it alot but he wasn't recipricating. I thought, damn, what a shame, I'd love to go down on my wife if she's let me.

For Her or For Me?

2009-01-23T07:20:00.000-08:00

Jamie posted an interesting question in my comments section:

""Does it matter if she's doing these things because she wants to, or if she's doing these things because she knows you want her to?""

At All Times thought that it does matter. That you want your wife to want to do this. And I agree.

But here is the catch. Each wife may want to do this for different reasons.

My wife does not recieve any sexual satisfaction from our wife led marriage. However, she has frequently told me that she gets ALOT of satisfaction from feeling like she is being a good wife and lover. She gets satisfaction from knowing that her husband is happy. She gets satisfaction knowing that she is working on our marriage. And probably most importantly, she gets satisfaction in the "connection" that our wife led marriage provides. (And on a side note, I do get sexual satisfaction from our marriage being wife led but it pales when compared to the connection and "structure" that it provides.)

So, yes, she is doing it for herself as well as for me. Do I wish she was doing it more from a purely sexual desire....sure. Is that going to happen....no. Are we both happy. Yes.

I guess it will always come down to whatever works for each couple.

Power Exchange

2009-01-21T05:15:00.000-08:00

I don't want to rewrite my whole blog but some background is necessary. I am a very lucky man. I am married to a beautiful, highly successful woman for almost 20 years. We have kids, health and overall happiness. Our one issue is sex. Her libido is quite low and mine isn't.

Due primarily to this difference in our sex drives, our marriage has always been wife led. We didn't call it that, but she was the one who deteremined if and when we were to have sex. A few years ago, I found aroundherfinger.com and it fell into place. We acknowledged that our marriage is "wife-led." And certainly there have been some difficult times as we try to make this some what new dynamic work. But when times are good, I get the attention that I need and she feels like a good wife.

As of today, it is a given. She controls our sex life. Due to her low libido, intercourse is rare and has been substituted by my mastrubating for her. But frequently she says that while I"m masturbating she feels awkward, a kind of "what should I be doing" type of feeling. Remember, due to her low libido, she isn't going to touch herself, strip, flash me, whatever.

Yesterday we had an interesting conversation. Last week I told her that when she was home (yesterday) and the kids were at school, it would be fun to hand wash her camisoles, naked in the kitchen. And she did ask me if I wanted to. The problem is that I if I said yes, I'd be naked, obviously aroused and she would get that awkward, "what should I be doing" feeling. So I declined. At lunch, I told her why I declined, siting her feelings. I then told her that it wasn't neccessarily the act of washing them but her telling me to do it.

I told her that she could have easily said, "Get naked and wash my camisoles." Once I began, she could have said, "Have them done by the time I'm out of the shower." Presto, I'm happy and she doesn't need to stand there are feel funny about her (apparent) lack of participation.

I proceeded to give her some more examples of how it is as much about the power exchange as the actual sexual act. It is about her taking control. I call active and open acknowledgement of our wife led marriage. It is similar to when she exercises her control in public. I get alot of sexual satisfaction when she approaches a door and just stands there waiting for me to open it. Or when she approaches her car and then just stands there waiting for me to open her door. The noticeable thing about that is she is the driver and I'm often already on the other side of the car. And lately, she has taken to just stop walking and staring at me until I get behind her. I find this extremely arousing because she's done it in VERY public places such as the mall, supermarkets and Costco. And I'm sure people have noticed because they've had to walk around me as I back pedal to get behind her.

Time will tell if she'll figure out that she doesn't have to feel awkward and that the act of her taking control is actually more important than my orgasm.

Differences

2009-01-14T00:09:00.000-08:00

I suppose it's no great suprise that wife led marriages come in so many shapes and sizes. I mean, "regular" marriages aren't all the same.

One of my favoriteblog is At All Times. Like so many wives, his wife struggled at least initially. From the last post, it would appear that it's full speed ahead. Wonderful.
.
But he also hopes that his wife, Jane, becomes more comfortable and dominating outside the bedroom. That she understands and accepts their wife led marriage as not just a bedroom game but as what will be "normal" and constant in their life.

AAT andI both struggle and I think, look at each others marriage as something we want. I wish my wife had a higher libido and was more dominant in the bedroom. I'm pretty sure AAT wishes his wife was as openly dominant as mine is outside the bedroom, in public.

We both have good marriages and wonderful wives and blossoming wife led marriages. We are both able to openly communicate with our wives. We both have wives that are willing to work towards better wife led marriages. And I think we are both becoming more accepting of what our wives want our marriages to look like.

I guess I was wrong. Not so many differences after all. The key is not to hope your marriage is what you read on someone elses blog but to continue to accept and work on your and your wife's vision of a wife led marriage.

Goings On

2009-01-12T05:33:00.000-08:00

Not much really. A very quiet week after last weekend. Truthfully, too quiet. I told my wife that I don't need to orgasm alot but do need to be "teased", "turned on" or some type of wife led sexual interaction. But compared to previous times where my wife seems to be disengaged, we were quite busy. No big deal.

This week looks to be normal. If I remember right, the only night we have to ourselves over the next 2 weeks is this thursday. Kid activities.

But the good news is that my wife is taking next week off so we will have alot of time alone in the house during the day. That should be fun but must lower my expectations. GTG

The Weekend

2009-01-05T21:00:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned in a previous post, my wife and I were getting a sitter and heading to a local hotel for an overnight.

I suppose some of you want the lurid details of our sexual exploits. Sorry.

Yes, the sex was great. But better still was the connection we had, enjoying each other's company, shopping, reading, sending each other funny text messages, working out (she required that I spend an hour on the treadmill, damn near killed me:). I was probably tired from carrying in all the shopping bags, two coats, a duffle bag and towing a suitcase into the hotel. That must have looked funny.

As we were walking to dinner my wife and gave each other a little kiss and she said that if our "date" ended now, it would be a great weekend. I couldn't have agreed more.

During a nice dinner, we sat next to a young couple (under 25). They didn't seem happy. He was pretty heavy and ordered like he wanted to add weight. They just didn't like each other and offered us the chance to realize yet again how fortunate we are.

I hope all is well with your relationship.

Anticipation

2009-01-02T21:33:00.000-08:00

"Get a good nights sleep, you'll be busy tomorrow."
"Pour me some wine."
"Decaf"
"Preheat the oven."
"Change the sheets."
"Only cords." (She means I may only wear my corduroy pants....nothing underneath)

These are just a few of the texts I received from my wife while our entire family was watching the Sugar Bowl. Tomorrow we go to a local hotel for a one night getaway from the kids. It will be fun.

I'll let you know.